The Word of Todd

"And some sweet day..."

2012-01-24T19:12:00.000-05:00

It was 1982, and I was sitting in the youth section of Trinity Baptist Church in Cayce, SC. It was the first night of revival. I had been invited by a good friend, and I had no idea what was to come. Sitting at an upright piano in the middle of the platform was a man who looked just like someone out of my Mom's high school yearbook. He began to play and sing. He had such an amazing presence on the stage, I thought. For a moment, I could have sworn that the upright piano had started dancing! I didn't fully understand what this guy's deal was. He was happy and radiated a joy unlike anything I had ever seen. I had to know who he was.

In the printed program, the name of this captivating man read, Rev. Lloyd F. Brewer, Jr. I had no idea that I had just been introduced to the man who would literally shape most of my own ministry in the years to come.

For eleven years to follow, Lloyd Brewer was my Minister of Music. It was he and his equally amazing wife Joan who coaxed me out of my shell and convinced me to sing in front of the church. He played and sang at my wedding and reception. In the thirty years I knew him, he never changed. He was the same person in 2012 as he was in 1982. He was steadfast, and everyone who knew him became better.

He was a true keyboardist. I never heard anyone who could make the piano sing like Lloyd could. When he sat down and began to play and sing, it was a glimpse of heaven. I am sure of this. One time when Lloyd was singing in church, the sun shone right through the church's sunlight and right onto Lloyd as if God Himself were smiling down on what he heard. I sang in youth choir, adult choir, and anything else Lloyd directed. He was amazing to watch and had such a nurturing ministry presence. He was a musician extraordinaire with the heart of a pastor. You just had to love him. You couldn't help it.

In 1990, I accepted my first position in ministry as Minister of Music/Youth at a local church. Everything I did for these folks had been learned by watching Lloyd all those years. I was nowhere near the caliber of Pastor Lloyd, but he inspired me all the same.

In 2002, I had the privilege of serving with Pastor Lloyd at a local church. It was there that the dynamic of our friendship sadly changed. I will always regret how we ended things. I saw him now and again over the next 10 years, but it was never the same. Despite this unfortunate turn of events, Pastor Lloyd still inspired me as a Christian, as a minister, and as a man.

Today, Pastor Lloyd went to heaven. He had been in the hospital for a couple of weeks in the ICU. While I mourn the loss of this wonderful man, I am grateful to have known him. No man on this earth had as big of an influence on my ministry. I loved him very deeply and admired him right to the end. I always will.

Pastor Lloyd once said something that has never left me. He said, "Todd, I don't know about you, but the Lord means everything to me." That statement challenged me then, at 16 years old, and does so to this day. If you had the privilege of knowing him, you would know that what he said was true. Jesus was his life. Then his family. Then the music he devoted his life to sharing with us all.

He sang because he was happy, he sang because he was free. I would like to believe that upon arriving in heaven, Lloyd was greeted by the Lord he loved, who then showed him to the podium where he lead the host of heaven in a rousing chorus of, "Come, Praise the Lord with Me."

Pastor Lloyd, I'm sorry our friendship was tainted, and I know you have forgiven me. If I may ask a favor of you, sir, it is that you would play, "No One Cared For Me Like Jesus" when I get there.

Goodbye, my dear friend and mentor. I love you and I will miss you.

A Big Hug From My Father

2012-01-09T00:34:00.000-05:00

Ever just need a hug? Yeah...me too. More often than I am willing to admit. I will admit this, however, I really needed this one.

It all began during my last post, where I likened myself to the prodigal son. If you have ever read the story, you know how it ends. The father sees the son coming home, runs to greet him, then lavishes love and acceptance and restoration. My story got as far as me coming to myself amidst the pig slop and deciding that I wanted to go back. So I started back home.

My first stop was on New Years Day. I went to my good friend Dan's church and made a public recommitment of my life to Jesus. To do this with pastor Dan was very special for me. He has nurtured me through two failed marriages and a lot of other things and never failed to tell me what I was doing wrong. Once upon a time, I did the same for him.

The journey back home continued with some personal inventory. There were things in my life that were dragging me down emotionally. Long story short, I made a hard decision, took a step of faith, and the Lord confirmed it that very day with some unexpected money in the mail. I know some people don't understand why I had to make the choice I made. Some people were hurt. I deeply regret that, and perhaps I could have handled some of it better. What's done is done, and I now pray for restoration and healing.

Continuing on, I reached out to some old minister friends and was so happy to reconnect and fellowship with them. One of them pointed out something that I should have posted about in my previous blog. He said, "From what I see (on FB), you have an amazing woman at your side." He was right. I do. Maybe for the very first time. I first met Laura when I was her pastor at White Knoll. She was a struggling single mom who somehow found time to be VBS Director! I respected her and her dedication. After a time, she sort of vanished from the church and I lost contact with her. Nearly 10 years later, a woman walked into Jamestown Coffee while I was at the register. She looked vaguely familiar but I couldn't recall where I had seen her from (not as sharp as I used to be). When she spoke, I immediately recognized her, except she was 130 pounds lighter than when I had last seen her! To my utter surprise, I felt butterflies in my stomach when I saw her. She was absolutely (and still is) beautiful! I'm not sure what I said first, but it wasn't long before I said, "So, uh, are you married? Seeing anyone?" She said no, and so I less-than-smoothly gave her one of my business cards, and told her we needed to "catch up" sometime soon. I am SO not a ladies man! But I am certain that it was love at first sight for the first time ever in my life. Laura's love for Jesus was a big inspiration to me and she has been key in helping me get my head straight for the first time in a long time.

Back to the big hug. So far all of this wonderful stuff had been going on, but there was still no hug. The father had not run to me. Or if He had, I sure missed it. One thing I have learned over the years is that God never does things the way I expect Him to. Never!

Ever!

This time was no exception. I recently picked up a book from my stack of books that I "keep meaning to read." It is a book by Steve McVey called, A Divine Invitation. Dr. McVey recounts a story of a man who had gone into the wrong part of town with his wife. He knew that the men in this place would want his wife. So rather than fight for her, he asked her to go with one of the men. She did. He waited. McVey then asked, "Would you trust this man as a spiritual leader?" Hmmm.

Then McVey let the cat out of the bag. The story was about Abraham and Sarah from Genesis 12. Then I read the following paragraph,

It's an amazing (and sometimes confusing) aspect of God's grace that He will indeed use a man like Abraham. Not only was he used by God, but in Hebrews 11, as if He has completely forgotten that He already gave us the lowdown on this man in Genesis, the Holy Spirit lists Abraham as a hero of our faith. Most people wouldn't even recommend Abraham as Husband of the Year, but God lists him as a man of great faith. Apparently there is something about the way God judges people that is very different from the way most of us view others or ourselves. He looks PAST behavior and into the heart more readily than we can even imagine (page 27).

Then came my hug from the Father. His embrace was tight and hard. I didn't hear Him audibly, but I heard Him speak this to my heart, "My Todd, welcome home! I'm so happy! You just don't know! I know you have messed up, but I am NOT finished with you. All is not only forgiven, but forgotten. As I did for Abraham, I have done for you! The best is yet to come! I WILL finish what I started with you! I love you soooo much!"

He has yet to release that hug, by the way!

New Year, Old Me

2011-12-31T15:58:00.001-05:00

New Years is always about looking forward and starting fresh. For many, there is a clean slate involved somewhere in the foray. Resolutions are made, broken. Dreams are toasted with a little sparkling cider or champagne.

In previous years, I have participated in the celebration and Auld Lang Syne. I made resolutions. I broke them, usually by the 15th of January. I looked ahead to dreams and plans that were not really my own, which is why they were so easy to break. There was no passion or commitment to see them through. Why? Because they really, ultimately, did not matter.

Seriously, does the world become a better place because I lose a few pounds? Read more? Play more tennis? Drink more/less coffee? Watch less TV? Finish the novel? Does it matter? Does it change lives? Does it feed the hungry? Shelter the cold? Get people off drugs? Heal broken homes?

Nah. It makes no difference whatsoever.

One of my favorite movies of all time is Star Trek: Generations. from a film critic standpoint, it was very disappointing. I admit that the first time I saw it, I felt cheated. My best friend Jay drove all the way from Greenville at 90 mph to catch the premier with me. I think he felt cheated as well. However, there are some personal moments in the film that redeem it, at least for me. There are moments of personal discovery for many of the characters that are brought about by terrible circumstances. My personal favorite is where Captain Kirk, on a horse in the temporal nexus, realizes that, "Since I left starfleet, I haven't made a difference." Spock once told him (Star Trek 2) that for him to do anything other than command a starship is a waste of resources. My friend Dan has been trying to tell me since I left the ministry in 2004, that for me to do anything else is a waste. I disagreed for a long time. A long time. Seven years to be exact.

Let's look at my stats. Since I left the ministry, I have had 11 jobs in 7 years. I broke my arm living out a childhood fantasy of pro wrestling. I have lost a home, a car, and another marriage. I have moved 5 times. I have come to believe that I cannot do anything right. Other than being a father, nothing I have done since ministry has given me a real sense of purpose. All of my education and training is in ministry. I have tried to find another niche. I really have. but I can't. Teaching is as close as I have come to being totally fulfilled since ministry. I have lost the respect of my children and my closest friends and have hurt and disappointed a lot of special people.

The story of the Prodigal Son in Luke 15:11-32 has never hit as close to home to me as it has this year. The prodigal son had it all and squandered it. Consequently, he ended up separated from his father and living in a pig pen of sorts. I feel the same way. I had it all. I was pastor of a great church. I had the American dream. Though my first marriage ended against my will, I chose a life of bitterness and anger that would ultimately affect my health and nearly every relationship in my life, leaving me in an emotional and spiritual pig pen. Like the Prodigal Son, I guess I have had enough of the pig pen now. I want to go home. I don't want anything from God. I don't want to be the next SBC president or have my own theme park. I just want to be with Him. For it is there where I feel safe and where things matter. That is where passion and commitment reside. That is where difference is made.

In all fairness, I have accumulated baggage that I have to give account for. I have made bad choices and wrong turns. But if my Father will let me come home, I will do all I need to be restored. It won't be like it was before. I know that. But I want to be there, wherever it is. Teaching, preaching, or whatever. I want to be there. I want to make a difference. In working for Jamestown Coffee, I have rediscovered ministry. Who knew coffee could do that?

So, no resolutions this year. I am going home to my Father and back to who I am (some of you will remember that Paul Smith song from the 80s). See you all in 2012.

Oh yeah...Happy New Year!

Transitions

2011-12-21T21:06:00.000-05:00

A season of change is upon me. Actually, I have come full circle. Let me explain with a bit of backstory.

You see, this blog was born out of bitterness, as evidenced by my very first post. I was going through the most awful time in my life, and a good friend suggested that I use blogger to vent and process. Before 2004, I had it all by the world's standards. I was a pastor, I had a wife and three amazing children, a cat, a dog, two cars, and a 4 bedroom house in a nice neighborhood. Appearances can be deceiving, however, and material things are not a guarantee of happiness. Often, the opposite is true.

My wife of 13 years left me for another man. My church asked for my resignation. Many (not all) of my friends threw me under the proverbial bus. Suddenly, a life devoted to God became a life devoted to being angry at God. I have been mad at so many people for so long. It has affected my mental and physical health.

I remarried in 2004, and I made a short "comeback" to the ministry in 2006, but I wasn't ready for either. Now the second marriage is only days away from being over.

For the last 14 months, I have been wondering how my life got so far off track. I have spent many nights in my apartment, alone, weeping, yelling, and trying to pray. I wanted answers. God gave me none. I wasn't ready. I resolved that I was to remain alone for the rest of my life. I know that sounds melodramatic. I apologize. Sometimes it just comes out. But I meant it. I was going to remain single. Period.

This past March, someone walked into my life. She was someone I knew from 10 years earlier. When I saw her, I felt my heart skip a beat. I am certain I heard fireworks. I believe it was love at first sight. Laura is a strong Christian. Since day one, she has made me want to be a better man. She has shown me what a bitter man I have been. She makes me feel a happiness that no one else ever has. I really, truly, deeply love her. I didn't mean to, and I sure didn't want to.

So anyways...I have been feeling the tug to return to the ministry lately. I have NO idea in what capacity. I just know that nothing else I do gives me as much fulfillment. Nothing in all the world. I am going to finish my seminary degree. I will continue to do whatever I need to job wise, but my goal is to one day return to full time ministry. I don't know how, when, or where. I just know that I can't do anything else.

All bitterness is gone. Every last person has been forgiven. I hold no more grudges. I just want to move forward, taking what I have learned and allowing God to use it for His purposes. I want to enjoy my family, friends, and work. I want to feel better and live better. I can't go back to what was, but I am stoked about what can and will be!

If you have read this far, thanks. Pray for me. I need it now more than ever.

Oh yeah, and I am going to finish the novel.

The Annual Post-Thanksgiving-Ruminations Post

2011-11-28T10:41:00.000-05:00

Each year at this time, I take stock of things and look back in order to look forward. Sometimes I just stop and look right here in the present. From my previous post, you can see that I have had quite the year in my personal life. So for this particular post, I have decided to look at the here and now, and then maybe take a peek at the future. Maybe. Or at least paint a picture of what I am hoping for.

Let me begin by saying that I am thankful for a great many things. Way too many to name here (translation: I'm too lazy to type it all out), but here are just a few:

I am deeply thankful for my children. Cody, Jenna, and Katie represent the very best parts of me (what few there are). Watching them grow up into the young man and women they are becoming has truly been the highlight of the last 20 years.
I am thankful for my best friend Jay. No human on earth has ever been there for me as much as he. I cannot imagine my life without him in it, nor do I want to.
I am thankful for my parents and sisters. Dysfunctional as we are, we have always had each other's backs. For the record, I no longer believe that I was adopted. Haha!
I am thankful for my work. When I look back 20 years ago and remember where I thought my career path was headed, I never expected to be where I am right now. That said, I am deeply grateful for where I am now. I love teaching at Tech. The students challenge me to be better, and hopefully, I do the same for them. I do try. I am thankful to be at Jamestown Coffee Co. I saw it when it was only on paper, and to be a part of it for this long has been a real honor. The coffee! Oh, the coffee! Not to mention, I work with some of the most awesome people I have ever encountered. They are like family to me.
I am thankful to be back in school. Walden University is an answer to prayer for me.
I am thankful for the years I spent in the ministry. It has taken me awhile to say that.
I am thankful for my circle of friends. Each and everyone of my peeps have been a mainstay in my very unstable life. No matter where I am, I know I can always call them friend.
I am very thankful that God has seen fit to place the most amazing woman on earth in my path. After two failed marriages, I dropped out of the race for good. Then one day, Laura Moore walked back into my life. My former therapist was wrong. There IS magic. I am in love. I like it.
Lastly, but not least, I am thankful for my faith. Somehow it has sustained me, and continues to do so. I am not the right wing conservative I used to be, but I am at a wonderful place in my walk. It's like starting fresh and looking for my next path.

It's okay to be thankful. I still have a long way to go, but at least I am on my way.

It's Been a Year!

2011-10-06T14:43:00.000-04:00

Well, not quite a year, but way too long since I have posted on my humble blog. It has indeed been quite a year though. Here is the recap:

Separated from wife #2
Moved into my own place
Gave up on women, God, and politics
Dropped college classes
Reunited with God and women
Started dating again
Said good bye to 1997 Chevy S-10
Bought a new car, cursed the car payment
Took oldest to college
Enrolled in a new University to finally finish the damned Masters Degree once and for all
Seeking third job to pay for car and college kid
Remembered I had a blog
Wrote this post

Now you are updated. I will be posting again very soon. I will try to make it daily again...no promises. Lots to talk about though!

Annual Turkey Day Post

2010-11-28T19:32:00.000-05:00

So here we are again. Another Thanksgiving has come and gone. Every year, I post what I am thankful for. The list really hasn't changed, so I am going to try a different format this year. Lately I have been writing some notes on a book project I want to write for my children. The book is tentatively titled, Things Daddy Has Learned. One of the things I am thankful for is knowledge, and each day I learn something new.

However, I have learned a lot, and I thought I would pontificate a bit on what I have learned right here on my blog. Enjoy!

As often as you can, watch the sun rise and set.
Relish the first sip of coffee in the morning. Close your eyes, sip, and feel it go through your body.
People will always disappoint you. Even if they don't mean to.
Cherish the small things. Celebrate them.
You don't have to be perfect. You just have be you.
Say what you mean and mean what you say. When necessary, use words.
Do what you love, and get paid for it.
Listen to the birds chirping. They are serenading you.
Always, always, always tip your servers. They depend on it.
Learn a new word every day.
Surround yourself with people who make you feel inferior. Then become better than them.
Take excellent care of your teeth.
Exercise. Start a plan and never stop.
Give jazz a try. Live jazz is a good way to start.
People in bars are nicer than people in church.
Cry when you need to.
Laugh. Out loud. A lot.
Be open-minded, but not so much that your brain falls out.
People, including you, make decisions based upon what they know. Increase your knowledge all the time so that you can make excellent decisions.
Take the time to know yourself.
Try new things. Don't be afraid.
Take risks, but only for yourself and no one else.
After you have been mentored, mentor someone.
Expect nothing from anyone, and give of yourself to everyone.

Happy Holidays!

Updating the blogosphere

2010-11-17T21:07:00.000-05:00

Wow. I haven't posted in quite awhile. Not like me. Much has been happening. Here is the proverbial rundown:

Tracy and I have separated. It was a mutual decision, albeit an unhappy one. We both believe it's for the best. Not sure what else to say, other than that it has been a long time coming.
I have moved into my own place. The bachelor pad is getting settled nicely. Room for me and my kids, plus Lilly and Sunshine. It is an adjustment, but it has been nice.
I have a publisher in Oklahoma that is very interested in my novel. It is far from finished, so I am trying to ease back into writing mode. Gotta finish the dang thing either way. Nevertheless, it is an awesome feeling to have received my very first publishing contract.
Midlands Tech teaching is going great. I will be teaching again in the Spring and I am very excited about that. Now I have no date for the Christmas party. May take my daughters.
The Freelance writing is slow going, but going. I have picked up another local publication and Columbia Metropolitan is going to let me write some pieces for them in 2011.
Work at Jamestown Coffee can hardly be called work. I am having the time of my life.
I have taken up tennis. It is great. Much safer than wrestling, and I am starting to get my game back. Although if I could just have one more match...
Class is gearing up for me again next Monday. Taking a seminar in poetry. I have been looking forward to this class. There is the heart of a poet in me somewhere.

Other than that, not much has been happening. HAHA!

Don't Stop the Music

2010-07-18T18:18:00.000-04:00

My first introduction to "Contemporary Christian Music" came in 1982 by way of two duos, "Farrell and Farrell" and "DeGarmo and Key." I liked the Farrells, and I liked D&K too, but I didn't love them. D&K did have some cutting edge, blatantly Jesus-centered music. It wasn't until 1988 at Heritage USA that I saw what all the fuss was about. When DeGarmo and Key took the stage, they rocked, and I mean the totally rocked. Then Dana Key showed that he was clearly the brains and balls of this duo. He spoke and I hung on every word. I was hooked on D&K after that.

That summer, my pal Jay and I followed D&K like a couple of groupies. We followed them from SC to Atlanta Fest 88, where they rocked the house big time. Then to Augusta, GA, and even though it was a smaller crowd, they held nothing back.

What I really loved about DeGarmo and Key wasn't just their Memphis style blues and rock & roll sound. They were genuine ambassadors of Christ. Not like the CCM artists of today. They offered Bible studies and free tapes and they interacted with the audience after each show. That is, AFTER they took time to counsel those who came forward during the invitation. Going to a D&K concert was like going to a church with the coolest pastor and the best music.

When I ventured out in 1988-89 with my own music evangelism ministry, I so totally tried to model myself after Dana Key. If I were going to be a rocker/preacher type, he embodied how it would look in my mind. I actually got to meet him once, only for a few seconds. I hugged him and thanked him for showing me the rock of the Rock. He laughed. That was cool.

I found out early this morning that Dana Key died from a ruptured blood clot at the age of 56. The article on the CCM Website didn't do him justice. I probably haven't either.

One thing I know for sure, Dana Key loved Jesus, and he loved to rock hard. There will never be another like him.

It is strange that while I was working yesterday I was humming an old D&K song, "Competition," and thinking how cool it would be for a D&K reunion tour to take place. I guess we will have to wait for that until Heaven.

But be warned, it will rock the cosmos and shake the stars right out of the sky!

There Is No Spoon

2010-07-02T16:50:00.003-04:00

You may remember that line from The Matrix. These words are also carved into the wall above the urinal at the "satellite office." I do not know why. It is an eye-opening moment for Neo when the young lad teaches him a lesson in reality. In order for Neo to be able to bend the spoon with his mind, he had to first accept the reality that there is no spoon.

I had an eye-opening moment yesterday. For years I have been living in disappointment because I had this image of what life and family should be like, and, twice now, that image has failed to be lived up to. I have always looked for the magic in life. For example, I have wondered if I have ever been "in love" before. In my mind, there was no "magic" in my relationships. There was love, but it had to be worked at; it didn't just happen magically.

Growing up in a broken family, I used to daydream about having a "normal" family like all of my friends had. A father AND a mother. Not just mother, like I had. My parents fought all the time. There was no magic. After my father abandoned us, I used to daydream about him coming home and resuming his place as man of the house. At 10 years old, I was the "man of the house." Mom supported 3 of us on less than five bucks an hour. Money was always tight. Where was the magic?

I surrendered to the ministry and did youth ministry, prison ministry, music ministry, preaching, teaching, and missions. I had the minister's dream. I had a wife, children, a house, and a great church. After 13 years, my marriage to the mother of my three children ended. How could this be? God would NEVER let this happen! I once vowed that my children would never have to live as I did, and now I was faced with the reality that their home was about to be broken. Surely not! I prayed. I fasted. I begged and pleaded with God to save my marriage. I knew He could, and I believed He would. He didn't. Where was the magic?

I remarried a few years ago to a great woman. We combined our children into a blended family. I had high hopes that we would all mesh and be happy. Instead, there were problems. Money problems. Child problems. Ex-spouse problems. Pet problems. In-law problems. It seemed that every time we took 2 steps forward, we'd get knocked back 5 more. Where was the magic?

I have been looking at my life lately. I often compare myself to others and realize how I fail to match up to their successes. I feel like a misfit sometimes, and that I don't really fit in anywhere. I am 21 years old for the second time, and where is the magic?

Reality check.

There is no magic.

Magic only happens in the movies or sitcoms. Life is hard. Real life. There is no magic; we are just to do the best we can with what we have. This realization actually caused a huge weight to lift from my shoulders. My life doesn't have to be perfect, or even magical. I just have to do the best I can to love the people I love and work hard at my passions. The magic may or may not ever be there, but the joy of just living life seems to bring with it a "magic" all its own.

Besides, who really needs to bend a spoon with their mind anyway?

A Time to Rant (not gonna be pretty)

2010-06-18T16:55:00.001-04:00

Dear reader,

I am not here to offend, ridicule, or offer shallow opinion. Well, maybe two out of the three.

Some things are happening around me. I don't like them. Not at all. May I share?

1) This whole BP/Oil spill/Obama/Barton thing has got me a little uptight. For all we know, the spill was on purpose. How can a major petroleum company with major safety protocols in place "accidentally" spill tons of oil? I am not a conspiracy theorist, but you have to admit, this stinks. Then Joe Barton of the GOP apologizes to BP for us holding them accountable. Who elects these idiots, really? Are we being PUNK'd? Is that it?

2) South Carolina politics has gone too far. Hey, bad press is still press, right? NOT! Jake Knotts, if you won't retire, at least let us give you a beatdown. It is long overdue, Mr., "I'm proud to be a redneck." You know what really chaps my hindquarters? People like Senator Kneck, errr...Knotts, claim to be Christians also. Do you morons know that Jesus was a "raghead" too? I bet He shore ess prah-yawd of yew! Yuck yuck yuck and a-fiddle dee dee! Yeeee haw! I say instead of laying off teachers and hard working Americans, we should start laying off loose-lipped Senators and Congressman. Or at the very least, make their positions voluntary instead of paid. That ought to shake things up in the honky tonks, eh Jake? Next time you go on TV, wear that Budweiser t-shirt you used to wear to the diner all the time.

I have lived in SC for almost my entire life. I love it here, and I still believe it is a great place to raise a family. These loose-lipped politicians need to shut the hell up or get the hell out. Seriously. Otherwise Stewart, Colbert, Leno, et al, are going to have comedy material at the expense of our pride for years to come. As a sidenote, for every Jake Red Kneck there are a lot of good men and women in politics trying to make a difference in SC. Kudos to them, middle fingers to the rest.

3) My 1997 Chevy S-10 finally kicked the bucket. I need wheels, so I went to my bank, and applied for an auto loan. I was promptly declined for some credit hiccups that happened almost 6 years ago. I didn't apply for much. I have been a customer of this bank for 5 years. I am working 3 jobs. Does loyalty count for anything anymore? I would look for a new bank, but they all suck.

4) For the last several years, my oldest has gone on a beach trip with one of his favorite churches. They leave every year at around 1:00, on Father's Day. I may seem a bit selfish here, but where is the spirituality in this? "Honor thy Father, while we snatch you away from him for a church sponsored activity?" After a church service that will inevitably be focused on Father's Day, why allow the youth to leave right afterward and miss time with their Dads? When I was a pastor, I NEVER would have condoned this kind of stuff. I would have insisted that the youth leader re-schedule the trip. Family always came before church. Ask anyone who ever served with me. I'm serious! I have written emails to the pastor of this particular church for the last 3 years asking that very question (and I was nice about it). I have yet to get a reply. I am not sure why that surprises me. I let my son go because it makes him happy, but I am not happy about it. I missed many a Father's Day with my absentee father, and I determined early on that I would celebrate this special day with those who made me a Father. Call me a grumpy old man if you like.

Thus endeth the rant...for now. Do you feel better?

Forty-something

2010-06-04T20:28:00.002-04:00

I have been facing some realities lately. I am a "forty-something." I have good days and bad days. Most of the time, I feel great. I feel like the world is yet mine to conquer. Then I got a phone call from an old high school friend the other day. It went something like this:

Me: Hey, man! How long has it been?

Him: Ummm...about 25 years.

Me: No way.

Him: Yeah, that's about right.

Me: That is not possible!

Him: Yeah it is. It's been awhile since you were blowing on the tuba.

Me: Wow...

Then I saw another lifelong pal today and we were talking about how much fun our 20 year reunion party was, and then it occurred to both of us that number 25 is coming up...soon. Like...next year.

Whoa.

A couple more realities have begun to settle in:

My son is graduating next year.
My stepdaughter is graduating next year.
My nephew and nice are graduating next year.
Most of the people I work with were born AFTER I graduated high school.
Most of our customers were born AFTER I graduated high school.
Everything I like is now referred to as "old school."
I am forty-something.

Okay, so here's the deal. I am not depressed about being in my 40's. As I said, most days I feel like the world is yet mine to conquer. But sometimes I do get a bit overwhelmed when I realize how much water under the bridge there actually is.

When I stop to really think about it, I have had a pretty decent life. I have met and (hopefully) positively impacted a lot of people. I have nearly 800 Facebook friends. I haven't made many enemies, and closest friends are people who have shared a good chunk of my forty-something years with me.

But, oh, to be 25 again and know what I know now...

How utterly cliche'.

Head Spinning...(but in a good way)

2010-05-21T12:31:00.000-04:00

So much has happened this week, it is hard to focus. I am trying. Good stuff all around. I sometimes use my blog to not only share things with you, the gentle reader, but I also use it to process life happenings.

1) Several weeks ago I posted a blog about my realization that teaching is where my heart is. I detailed the realigning of my educational focus and my hot pursuit of my new career goal. Out of the clear blue on Wednesday morning, I get a call from Midlands Technical College about teaching a Computers in Health Science class on Monday and Wednesday nights for the summer. Okay, it's not Creative Writing or English Literature, but it IS a foot in the door, and Adjunct Faculty is going to really look good on my Curriculum Vitae. Thanks to P. Melton for the recommendation and for helping get started earlier than expected on my teaching career.

2) In 1986, I scored a 700 on my SAT. 700. 390 English, 310 Math. Pathetic. Because I was a Music Education Major during my first college try, I was able to move past the poor score. I don't test well and I suck at Math. Today I learned that my son Cody scored a 1330! I am so proud I could bust. Not only that, but he got his first job this past week. Watching him grow up has been such a trip! I could not be more proud.

3) I am excited about my career at Jamestown Coffee. I love this business. I love learning and I love making coffee drinks and I love our staff and I love the 1607 Dark Roast! Maybe one day I will have my own Jamestown Franchise. I am so grateful for my job.

4) For the last 8 months, every night (when I actually sleep) I have dreamed that I was at a KISS concert. I am not exaggerating. Nearly EVERY night for 8 months. Not sure what it all means, but last night I dreamed I met the members of Fleetwood Mac. Maybe I am struggling with turning 43 this year. Maybe I am weary of much of the overproduced cotton candy music of today. Maybe I need to pick up the guitar again. Maybe I am slowly going mad. Thoughts?

5) I have been dealing with a lot of personal issues, health issues, and stuff. This past week, some positive steps were taken. I am starting to feel a little better. However, I am still a jerk when I am driving, and I am still convinced that everyone is on drugs. Maybe it's the Jamestown Coffee kicking in...

More as the story develops.

Applied Wisdom

2010-05-12T00:51:00.002-04:00

This is going to be one of those, "I've been thinking about something lately" posts. I do these from time to time just to download stuff I ponder. I have been thinking a lot about wisdom for the last couple of weeks. Mind you, it is not my own wisdom I have been pondering. Rather, I have been pondering wisdom I have received from others over the years. One pearl was given to me in 1995 by a dear man named Al Bozard. He was my mentor in the ministry when I first started out. I truly loved that man and anything he shared with me, especially pertaining to ministry, I soaked up like a thirsty sponge.

One day he said, "Todd, listen very carefully." I was totally tuned in. "Todd," he said, "no pastor ever came to the end of his life saying he wished he'd spent more time at the office. Whatever you do, never sacrifice your family for your ministry." Out of all the advice I was given by great men like Rev. Bozard, this nugget was one I worked really hard at.

Long story short, my three children came into the coffee bar tonight. They were on their way to Bible Study and stopped by to see me. Cody was driving. Cody will soon have his first job, and Jenna and Katie are about to become sophomores. Cody will graduate next year. Where does the time go? But wait! Let me tell you something. I sacrificed my ministry for my children.

I ate lunch with them at school 2 - 3 times a week. I took them to school and picked them up after. Every Friday, we would go to the local Bi-Lo and buy a special snack. Afterward we went to Blockbuster and rented movies for everyone. Then we went home and watched them. We laughed, we cuddled, we had a blast. I am so thankful that I was able to spend so much time with them when they were little. I was blessed to be so involved in their lives (when they actually wanted me there!)!

I looked at these three teenagers tonight that I helped make, and I realized that for all the things I have done wrong in my life, for all the times I turned right when I should have turned left, I look at my three children and I see the one thing I know I did right. They are the three greatest people I know, and I am so proud of them and so honored to have had all the time I had with them. I wouldn't take anything for those days and every day I have with them now. I adore them. I hope they always know that and I hope they are proud of me too.

People PMS?

2010-04-28T20:38:00.001-04:00

Having grown up in a house full of women, I know all about PMS. This week it seems like EVERYONE has it. Was going to ask a friend for some help and was met with an unusually "grouchified" reply because technology beat me to the punch. All good. Stuff happens. People have bad days. I know about those too.

This past week my novel was critiqued by my classmates and I received some wonderful feedback. This novel is important to me, and I want it to be great. The feedback helped me toward that goal. So I logged into a forum outside of the class discussion and thanked my classmates for offering some excellent feedback. Apparently I broke some "rule" of the Writer's Workshop by offering my thanks after the fact, according to a classmate who emailed the professor in protest. The typical response to "Thank you," is generally, "You're welcome." This etiquette should apply to Writer's Workshop as well. We call that "good manners" in the real world.

There are more examples, but what is the point? I try to be nice, and people respond as if I am interfering with their lives or something. Is it that time of the month for EVERYBODY? Please take a pill or something and save your grumpiness for the people who drive slow in the fast lane. I am one of the good guys.

Maybe I am just too sensitive.

Some day off. I can't wait to get back to work.

Spring is in the Air! So is pollen!

2010-04-18T17:27:00.000-04:00

Spring is a brutal dichotomy for me. On the one hand, nature always looks great during Spring. The colors and blooming flora can be breathtaking at times.

At the same time, Spring also produces pollen, which wreaks utter havoc on those of us cursed with year-round allergies. Not to mention the mess it makes on the cars, porches, and well, just about everything it lands on.

Yet without the pollen, there would be no beautiful flora. Sometimes the things which we see as negative can actually be for the best in the big picture of things. This is a hard lesson to learn, especially for people like me who demand instant gratification. I'm the guy in front of the microwave going, "C'mon, I don't have all minute!" I despise waiting in line for anything, and I get really impatient at traffic lights and four-way stops.

This year, I was unemployed (again) for almost 3 months. Not at all the way I first envisioned 2010 going. Not at all. During those three months, I gained weight and lost self-esteem. Emotionally, I felt as though I had hit rock bottom. I felt as though my life had come to nothing, and I just wanted it to be over.

Circumstances intervened, and now I am employed once again. I still have my freelance writing gig on the side, and I am going full throttle at work and at school. I am happy, and my self-confidence has returned somewhat. I am looking toward the future with hope for the first time in quite awhile. I have made some new friends and continue to celebrate the steadfast ones. I have also become reacquainted with a universal truth:

You can't have Spring without the pollen.

Achoo!

One Lump or Two?

2010-03-28T14:36:00.001-04:00

Today is my last official day of unemployment. Tomorrow I officially begin my new duties as Second-in-Command of Jamestown Coffee Co. The process leading up to this day has been full of tests and in depth discussions. I will be working for my best friend in the world, and both of us wanted to be absolutely sure that this would work for both our benefits as well as protect our lifelong friendship.

I believe this is a good move for me. I have retail management experience as well as food service management in my background, and I was good at it. In addition to the day to day operation, I have also been given a voice for creative and operational input. This is something I have never had as a manager.

And let me be frank, here. I absolutely LOVE coffee. Furthermore, Jamestown Coffee is not just any coffee. James has put a lot of time and energy to procure the very best coffee products out there. There is a lot for me to learn, but I am going to be surrounded by an exemplary team of individuals and I have known my boss since 2nd grade. We have worked together several times over the years, and it has always been a blast.

Stop by and have a cup of coffee....or several.

Weighing In

2010-03-23T18:58:00.007-04:00

This will not be a post about my actual physical weight. I have nothing significant to report yet. Although I just played outside with my dogs for about 30 minutes, and they dropped before I did. Four legs and all!

No, I would like to weigh in on the Health Care Reform that was signed into law today. Everyone has their own personal feelings about it. So do I. I am not going to debate the right-or-wrong of it all here. What I want to do is to publicly rebuke certain citizens of the US of A who have hurled racist, hatemonger assaults at various elected officials, and those religious fruitcakes who are now touting health care reform as the end of times.

Since the day of Jesus Christ's ascension into heaven in the book of Acts, mankind has at various times in history used some major social or political crisis as the catalyst of Christ's return as recorded in the Revelation. In our lifetime, the Jewish holocaust, rock-n-roll music, Roe v. Wade, Walter Mondale's run for President, September 11, 2001, President Obama's election, and now Health Care reform signed into law, have all been hailed as the end of society, the end of the world as we know it, and the end of mankind.

Oddly, mankind is still here. So are society and the world.

Now, in addition to Joe "You Lie" Wilson, GOP, Tea Party, and Evangelicals alike are demonstrating the most UN-American immature behavior since the 1960s. Spitting on public officials, yelling racist and hateful remarks, and protesting on the SC State House wearing a God Hates Fags t-shirts representing a Kansas church. And people ask me why I don't go to church anymore. I don't want to be labeled as one of these morons. I am NOT one of these morons. I am a totally different breed of moron.

Here is what I think EVERY responsible American should do: READ THE HEALTH CARE DOCUMENT and see what it says instead of listening to doom-and-gloom fear mongers. Think for yourself by doing your own research. After you have done that, form your own opinion. If you're still against Health Care reform, at least you will be informed and the rest of us will respect your opinion.

Here is what I think the rest of America should do: GROW UP.

Here is what I think Evangelicals should do: recall that Jesus Himself said, "NO ONE knows" when His return will be. Even He Himself did not know while He was on earth. Next time you feel the need to proclaim ends times prophecy, read the Bible first. Read the prophecies first. It just might help you be taken more seriously. K?

As for me and my house, we are just going to go on living our lives and thanking God that after 100 years of arguing and grandstanding, health care reform was passed. Why is anyone surprised? It was a campaign promise. Are we so accustomed to no one keeping campaign promises that we don't know how to react when a promise is actually kept?

And here is one more thing I want to get off my chest. One of my very best friends in the world is serving in Afghanistan even as we speak. To my knowledge, he does not support President Obama's policies. Instead of calling names and disrespecting the President of the United States, he is serving over there, away from his family, friends, church, and career. He is doing this so you who are numbered among the morons can act like the morons you are under the banner of freedom. Mind you he is not alone over there. Are we going to repeat the behavior towards those who served in Vietnam when the soldiers from Iraq and Afghanistan return? If things keep going the way they are, it wouldn't surprise me to see these idiots (and you know who you are) spitting on our soldiers. God forbid it be so! The soldiers should spit on you.

Thus endeth the rant.

A New Way to Retire...Not Retiring!

2010-03-03T16:35:00.006-05:00

I am a sentimental guy; I really am. I have been to retirement parties. It moves me to think that someone has reached a point where they no longer have to work. It is a bittersweet thing to watch. When someone has worked hard to build a career, retiring is a very emotional experience. One of my dearest friends retired from the produce business he had built with his own sweat and sustained for over 40 years. He shared with me how much he had sacrificed regarding quality time with his family. When he retired, it was the end of a long and sometimes painful career. He found many new ways to occupy his time, including spending time with me. In my mind, that is what retirement was supposed to be.

Retirement seems to have a new face these days. Three faces, specifically.

Brett Favre had a celebratory career as the quarterback for the Green Bay Packers. His retirement was to have catapulted him into legendary status. It didn't quite work out that way. Not even a year later, he announced that he was coming out of retirement. Green Bay didn't take him back, so he played for the Jets. Then he retired again. Then he came out of retirement again. Now he is a Viking. That's cool. I mean, being a professional athlete unfairly forces you to retire in your 40s. In the non-athletic world, that wouldn't happen. The only thing that really bothers me about Brett Favre is that now his legacy is more of a joke. He deserves better than he gave himself.

I cannot remember a time when Ric Flair was not in wrestling. I am a lifelong fan of the sport, in no small way due to the accomplishments of "The Nature Boy," Ric Flair. He retired at last year's Wrestlemania with the pomp and circumstance worthy of his contributions. Untold numbers of wrestlers owe their careers to this man. He was the shining star of pro wrestling, and anyone who wrestled him became great because of him. Many things that go on in pro wrestling today originated with men like Ric Flair.

So I turn on TNA Wrestling the other day and I see Ric Flair. Look, I get it. Wrestling was his life. I would rather die in the ring than retire. But now seeing him with another company cheapens his retirement and the celebration of his accomplishments. Woooooooooooo!

Then of course, we have Jay Leno back on The Tonight Show. I am still waiting for the dust to settle on this one. I watched and DVR'd his final Tonight Show. It was nice, meaningful, and it was clear that he had lived up to the legacy.

Then came Conan O'Brien.

Then went Conan O'Brien.

Then came Jay Leno...again.

So what does it all mean? I don't know, but I am not going to any more retirement parties.

Once more unto the breach...

2010-02-28T13:13:00.004-05:00

I seldom look back through my blog anymore. It is neat from time to time to look back at some of the happier memories. Even some of the sad ones are worth remembering. The one theme that I am not happy to revisit is my career changes. It is honestly rather embarrassing. To be sure, each change was an wholehearted attempt to make my family's life better.

The same idealism applies to my recent college endeavors. While I was at Flextronics, I was inspired to get a two year Computer Science degree from Midlands Tech. to help further my career there. When I was laid off due to production cutbacks, it occurred to me that I should be pursuing a Masters degree. What good is a 2 year degree when I already have a 4 year degree? So I applied to the University of Phoenix's MBA program. I felt that a degree like this would catapult my career as well as my earnings.

By the time I reached my second class, I knew that I was out of my league. I am a semi-intelligent person, and I was able to keep up with the material; however, I didn't feel any sense of fulfillment whatsoever. I envisioned myself trapped in a career that I would literally hate. I felt lost. So I did some deep soul-searching. Very, very deep.

I asked myself "Why?" a lot.

Why have I changed jobs so much since leaving the ministry?
Why do I keep getting laid off?
Why can't I have a satisfying career that would make me happy and fulfilled?

Then I began the "Whats?"

What AM I good at?
What makes me happy?
What exactly is the source of the void in my life?

Long story short, I rediscovered that my two passions outside of family and friends are writing and teaching. I began to explore changing majors at Phoenix. Long story short, it didn't work out with them.

Long story short once again, I begin my studies in the Masters of Fine Arts program at National University tomorrow. My focus will be Creative Writing. Not only will the program help me hone my writing skills, but it will also qualify me to teach at the college level. I am excited about this, and though it has taken many crooked paths to get here, I am happy to be here.

I looked at my assignments for the upcoming week, and it looks like I will be spending a lot less time on Twitter and Facebook!

One final thought: the University of Phoenix sucks (another long story)!

My first interview....let the games begin!

2010-02-27T14:29:00.004-05:00

Through Social Media, I have met some amazing writers, literary agents, and publishers, as well as a number of great people from other backgrounds. It excites me that an average of 5 people a day are following me on Twitter. Social Media has been a wonderful tool in promoting my writing. Last week, I was interviewed by Dorothy Dreyer, who started a blog where she will spotlight aspiring authors. I was very fortunate to be her first victim...er, guest.

You can read the interview here.

Social Media rocks! Everyone needs to get on board. You never know who you might meet.

Earlier this morning, while you were asleep...

2010-02-24T15:52:00.004-05:00

Meet my 1997 Chevrolet S-10 pick up truck. The photo was taken a few months ago, when, while on my way to a very important meeting, the tire blew and left me stranded. I missed my appointment, and they wouldn't reschedule.

Earlier this morning, while you were asleep, my truck stranded me on I-20 once again. I was on my way home from a nice visit with James at our "satellite office," and was about 4.5 miles from my exit. Suddenly, the truck just froze. As I watched the speedometer quickly drop from 70 to 50mph and falling, I quickly and safely pulled off.

This was 1:30 in the morning. Attempts to call home failed four times. On the fifth time, my groggy wife answered. Her car has been in the shop all week. The truck was our only vehicle.

Was, that is.

With no solutions and no one awake, I started walking. At once I felt like Bill Bixby as David Banner from The Incredible Hulk TV series from my youth. With my wife's work bag on my shoulder, and with no flashlight, I began the 3 or 4 mile journey to my exit. As I was walking in the dark evening chill, my thoughts wandered to my good friend Peeley, who is bravely serving our country in Afghanistan. Soon, my self pity began to wane, and I tried to focus my thoughts on walking. I literally could not see in front of me until vehicles passed from behind me. I thought about holding out my thumb, but decided against it. I recalled a presentation I saw in 2nd grade where two young girls got picked up by a stranger and butchered. Police presentations can be quite brutal on the senses. Remember Driver's Ed.? I rest my case.

After hoofing it for about 20 minutes, my wife called me to tell me my brother-in-law who drives a tow truck (God bless him) was on his way, and I was to walk back to the truck. I calmly stated that I was close enough to the exit that I was not turning back and could be picked up at the faithful 44 Truck Stop, which never closes. I knew there would be coffee and water there, so I kept moving.

25 minutes later, as my right leg began shooting pain into my hip, I arrived at my exit. A car drove past me, and I saw them stop and begin to back up. Two young men offered me a lift to the truck stop. Though I was very grateful for their gesture, I politely declined since I was so close anyway. I then recalled all the times I had driven by someone walking on the interstate and had never stopped. Suddenly it occurred to me that I had an interview scheduled for today. It was one I have been waiting for for about 2 weeks. Once again, when I needed her the most, my truck failed me. Still wrestling with the "Why?" of it all.

Pity soon gave way to joy as I saw the bright lights of the 44 Truckstop just ahead. I victoriously walked inside. As I sat down with my truck stop variety coffee, my brother-in-law pulled up with my truck in tow. I decided to buy him a hero's breakfast. After we ate, we headed for my house.

I arrived in my bed at 4:45 am. Exhausted, but at the same time impressed that I was able to make the journey. Walking is really exhilarating, especially in the dreary cold chill of night.

What will become of my truck, now parked on my front driveway? Will they reschedule my interview?

To be continued...

Sun Day Random Ruminations

2010-02-21T16:34:00.004-05:00

Greetings from the booming town of Leesville, SC. On this beautiful Springlike day, I have a few random thoughts that I need to dispose of. Enjoy!

I am sick of the whole Tiger Woods thing. Sick of it. SICK of it. In other words, I am too busy getting on with my own life to indulge the media's Tiger obsession any longer. He screwed up, he apologized; good day and good night.
I just don't get NASCAR. It's not my thing. If it's you're thing, then that's cool. They do put on quite a program. I elect not to watch it, however. Don't hate.
I am so ready to get back into the routine of online school. March 1, I am back in. Ordered my books today. I am a big giant sponge ready to soak up all the knowledge!
I love Spring. It is a very beautiful time of year.
I hate Spring. My allergies go to DefCon 5.
I miss football season.
I hope I get a new job soon. Two interviews this week!
I wish my laptop would come home soon.
Jillian Michaels is really hot, but what man could handle her?
My friend Frank Fomby remembers a Karl Malden joke that I told in 1982. He said it still makes him laugh. Should I be troubled by this?
I am seriously craving pizza today. Maybe the wife will let me make a run to Hungry Howies tonight. It would be an easier sell if I had a full time job...
I seriously need a road trip outside of SC.
I wish Jamestown Coffee would hurry up and open.
People on Twitter are nicer than people in church. Just sayin'.
I am going to totally update/redo my website tomorrow.

Thanks for stopping by!

Balance and Learning to Roll

2010-02-18T10:42:00.004-05:00

The older I get, the more I realize that life is all about balance. I have lived my life by extremes for a long time. I have been extremely left and extremely right. I have been "name it and claim it," and "Thy will be done." I have gone from fired up to fizzled out. To live this way is very draining emotionally, mentally, physically and even spiritually.

As a believer, I am often frustrated at how God answers prayer or how He seemingly doesn't; at least not the way I wanted. Why do some people live while others die? Why do some have while others have not? Questions like these have befuddled my tiny mind for years. Frankly, they have stressed me out and led me to become very depressed at times.

Furthermore, I have gone through seasons of prosperity as well as seasons of struggle. It would seem that it is not possible to have one without having the other. For months, due to the economy and being laid off, my wife and I have struggled to stay "above water" financially. Earlier this month, we received a pretty decent tax refund. We were able to catch up some things, pay off some things, and have a balance greater than $0.00 at the bank. It has been a nice feeling.

Yesterday, my truck started making some noises that lead me to believe that the transmission may be on its deathbed. Just when things were going great, another calamity comes along.

Balance.

Things happen. Good things, bad things. The truck will be fixed, but we may have to scrape and struggle again for a bit. The fact is, I am tired of stressing over it. Life happens. It just does. I have to learn to roll with it.

I am not a materially wealthy person. However, I am not destitute either. I have what I need for today. I will deal with tomorrow, well, tomorrow. Today,I have food, shelter, love, and warmth. I have much to be thankful for.

Somewhere inside of all of this stuff is a happy medium. A middle ground that can be achieved by patience and practice and learning to accept the good with the bad.

Balance.

My Valentine's Day Post

2010-02-14T12:12:00.004-05:00

For many years, Valentine's Day has been a very unhappy day. When I was a sophomore in high school, my then girlfriend cheated on me with one of my so-called friends.

Valentine's Day 1992 was the worst. I received a phone call in the middle of the night from my sister, who informed me that our estranged father had been killed in a freak auto accident. Long story short, a man had a heart attack at the wheel of his car and plowed right into my father's house where he was asleep in his chair. Both men were killed instantly.

It's now 2010, and I am married with lots of children who I love. I am very fortunate to have a number of wonderful people that call me friend. Surely there is much to celebrate on February 14th, and I do celebrate through the grief, which is like an open wound that will never heal.

The picture was photo shopped by my son Cody. He superimposed my Dad (from my last photo of him) onto the picture so we could have our first generation picture. I am sure Dad would be honored by it. I wish I could say he was a wonderful and perfect father. I can't. He had many demons that he drowned in alcohol for many years. He abandoned us when I was 12 years old, and for a long time, we didn't know where he was or whether he was alive or dead.

At my high school graduation I saw him for the first time in 6 years. I had rehearsed many times over the years as to what I would say to him if I ever saw him again. I reluctantly walked over to him, took a deep breath, and no words came out. I fell into his arms and hugged him as we both wept for what seemed like hours.

He stuck around for awhile, then left again, and we exchanged a few letters and phone calls. One month before he died, Terri, Tiffani, and I got to spend a whole evening with him. We ate dinner with relatives, visited my Grandma, laughed, and took pictures. As we were leaving, we had made plans to get together again, all of us, as soon as possible. I hugged my father and told him I loved him. He said nothing, but that was just his way. I knew he loved me.

Thirty-five days later, on Valentine's Day, he was dead.

Over the years, I have often thought of all the things we missed out on. But the truth is, he and I have a lot more good memories than I realized. It is so easy to focus on the bad stuff and forget the good stuff. After many years, I am finally at peace with Dad's death. I will never fully understand some of the choices he made, but I understand that being a father is hard, and I am only one bad choice away from repeating his mistakes. "There, but by the grace of God go I," or something like that, right?

I love being a father. A dad. My children will call me,"Far from perfect," and "a nerd," but they love me and keep me going each day. Today, I miss my Dad more than usual. He never got to meet his grandchildren, but they have met him through my stories and photos.

The last time I saw my Dad alive, he was happy. He had met someone special, and was turning his life around. His best friend was a pastor! At my Dad's visitation, there were hundreds of people there. Hundreds! Each one told me how special he was to them, and how loved he was. He cheered people up when they were down. He listened. He gave himself away to everyone as a friend. I learned one final life lesson from my Dad that I have shared with my children time and again. I will share it here: "It's not how we start, but how we finish that is most important."

I miss you, Dad.

10 Quirky Things About Me

2010-02-10T17:19:00.003-05:00

We all have our little quirks. Some of us have quirks that are quirkier than others. Furthermore, some of us are DEFINED by our quirks. I will share with the reader my most popular and perhaps least well-known quirks. There will not be a quiz at the end.

I absotively, posilutely hate waiting in line for any reason whatsoever.
Misspelled words and typos on any marquis or sign make me very angry.
People who type in ALL CAPS make me very angry.
When I write, I have to have coffee in my Daffy Duck mug.
The movie 1408 inspires my creativity. I do not know why.
I only shave when it is absolutely necessary.
I am a closet hippie.
For the last 14 months, I have had the strangest compulsion to move to Philadelphia.
I think Leonardo DiCaprio is one of the greatest actors of my generation.
Seeing The Who on the Superbowl halftime show actually gave me chills. Pete Townshend is such an amazing and insightful songwriter.

Customer Service: The New Oxymoron

2010-01-20T14:28:00.003-05:00

When did Customer Service go from being a "serve us" institution to a "can't help/don't care" fiasco? Maybe it is just me, but I can't seem to get anyone to help me anymore. I am speaking as a veteran of the customer service industry. Nearly all of my work experience has something to do with customer service in some shape or form. Read my LinkedIn profile recommendation from Roger Gibson, a former boss. I took giving good customer service personally. Almost to a fault. I made it my business to have happy clients or customers. A lot of people in my organizations didn't like me, because I made them do their jobs. I must be a dying breed. Here is what happened:

In March of 2009, I bought my wife a laptop. Last week, the power supply receptacle on the laptop stopped powering. Now I have a dead laptop. Called Lenovo to get the laptop fixed. In theory, while the unit is under warranty, they send you a UPS box, you ship it to them at their cost, they fix it, and then ship it back to you. In theory.

In reality, Lenovo tells me that because I bought the laptop from an "unauthorized" dealer (who was my employer at the time), the warranty had expired, because it was based on when Chipco bought it from Lenovo and not when Todd bought it. So I then contacted Chipco who suggested I bring it by there and let them have a look at it. I have not had this laptop for a full year, and I can't get anyone to honor this.

Here's another incident: I have been a student at the University of Phoenix since last year. I decided to change majors and ended up talking to four different people, all of whom told me I needed to talk to someone else. All this back and forth has somehow placed me in "Collections," and now, according to my Enrollment Counselor, "I can't even talk to you while you're in collections, or I could be fired." What the heck is that? If no one can talk to me, then who is going to help me? So now I am leaving voice mails for a supervisor who will not return my calls. All I want to do is get a degree.

No one seems to want to take "ownership" of my problems. It seems easier to apologize and say "We can't help you," or, "You need to talk to so and so."

When I am paying for something, it seems fair to expect that I will be taken care of by the people who so happily took my money to begin with. Wake up, all you customer service people, and make us happy.

Book Review: Have A Little Faith by Mitch Albom

2010-01-16T16:55:00.006-05:00

My long time friend Rick has, by example, taught me many things. One of his buzz words is, "Conversation." It is his conviction that conversation is the key to a better understanding of people, places, traditions, and stuff by simply talking through things, and, when possible, do it over coffee.

I am a bit on the shy side. I always have been. Insecurity is my middle name, or at least it should be. What is odd about this is that I have been in sales as well as full time ministry. Why would a shy guy like me seek after positions which required talking to and being around people? Simply put, I had always believed God could take my shyness and use it to help people. I used to believe that God could do absolutely anything. Then I changed. I stopped believing. One disappointment or tragedy after another for the last several years with very little "evidence" that God was helping me has left me barren of faith and hope. It is not a good feeling, I can assure you of that.

My most recent beef with God happened about 6 months ago, when my sister-in-law's husband passed away suddenly, leaving her with two toddler children to raise on her own. That was pretty much the last straw for me. I had the image of God just randomly picking people to die, and Drew just happened to make the cut. There was no meaning behind his death. None. None at all!

Until today, at least for me.

There is a bizarre history of my wife and her sister (technically half-sister). Before Drew died, Tracy and Arah had never met. They each knew the other existed, but neither had reached out. Since Drew's untimely death, we have all gotten to know Arah, her children Levi and Abby, and even Drew through her stories of him. Arah and I quickly discovered that we had a lot of things in common and we have had many deep conversations (Rick would be proud) about life, death, afterlife, writing, faith, movies, and other interests we have in common. I had previously shared with Arah my own struggles with faith, and so for my 42nd birthday, she gave me a copy of Have A Little Faith by Mitch Albom. In the front cover she wrote, "I hope that when you read this, your journey to God somehow becomes more peaceful."

I appreciated her gesture, but her words evoked my inner cynic. "What journey to God?" I silently scoffed. And yet I was very anxious to begin reading. I had never heard of Mitch Albom, and the book's appearance didn't exactly scream, "READ ME!!"

Reluctantly and yet anxiously, I began to read. I just finished it this very day, moments ago. It was the first time I can remember in a very long time that a book moved me to tears. The last time I cried reading a book was during Piercing the Darkness by Frank Peretti.

In short, the book is a true story about conversations Albom had with two men of God from two completely different backgrounds that occurred over an eight year period.

Conversations. Asking questions. Listening. Considering. Struggling to understand. All of which culminated into Albom's eulogy for his rabbi. His conclusion in the Epilogue is what caused me to tear up:

"In the beginning, there was a question. In the end, the question gets answered. God sings, we hum along, and there are many melodies, but it's all one song--one same, wonderful, human song.

I am in love with hope."

I cannot recall the last time I was "in love with hope." Has it been that long? When did I lose hope? I really can't remember. Yesterday I received yet another disappointment. And then two more last night. I cursed God. I did. From my pain and despair, I cursed Him. This time (it wasn't the first time I cursed God), there were no pleas for Him to prove me wrong. I was tired of fighting with Him. He always wins anyway. I was mentally, emotionally, and spiritually exhausted, yet it took 2.5 Ativans to relax me enough to be able to sleep. Even after I drifted off, I had many nightmares and awoke feeling unrested.

Today I decided to finish Have A Little Faith just to get it done. I finished the book, but I doubt seriously that the book will be finished with me anytime soon.

This may be very selfish of me to think, but what if Drew Johnson died so that Tracy could meet her sister who in turn could meet me and think enough of me to buy me this book? I still find his death meaningless, but somehow not as meaningless...at least for me.

Great book. Well written. Very deeply profound.

Retro Review: The Rocker

2010-01-06T09:10:00.007-05:00

Faithful readers of this blog understand the concept of "Retro Review." For those who may have just joined the other two readers, allow me a brief explanation. I usually catch movies when they hit HBO or Showtime, long after they have come and gone on the big screen. If one of these films catches my attention, I will do a review here on the blog. I have recently viewed a film that struck some personal chords (pun intended). That would be The Rocker starring Rainn Wilson of NBC's The Office.

The Rocker is about an eccentric and wacky drummer, Robert "Fish" Fishman (played by Wilson), who, at the beginning of the success of his stereotype 80s rock band, "Vesuvius (cool name by the way)," gets dumped by the band (of which he was the heart and soul) so that a record executive's nephew can replace him. The story really begins 20 years later, where we find Fish working a dull job in Cleveland and Vesuvius has gone on to legendary success.

A series of events gives Fish the chance to play in his nephew's garage band, "A.D.D." where he is twice as old as the other 3 band members. The kids reluctantly allow Fish to play with them, provided he gets them a gig, which he does. The gig is interrupted by the parents of the other band members (one of whom is played by the lovely and talented Christina Applegate), who ground the young ones. Fish's resilient nephew uses technology and connects all four band members online in order for them to practice. Naive and goofy Fish doesn't realize he is on camera, and rehearses totally naked and ends up on YouTube as "The Naked Drummer."

The large following of the naked drummer catches the attention of a major record company and suddenly A.D.D. with their goofy, sweaty drummer, who refuses to grow up, are living the rock star dream. The band on tour offers some cute moments, including some comical moments from counter-culture icon Howard Hesseman as the band's bus driver.

A.D.D.'s sudden and massive success creates an opportunity for them to open for rock legends Vesuvius. The grudge holding Fish refuses, causing him to leave A.D.D. and try, at last, to live the life of a grown up, complete with a suit, tie, briefcase, and a haircut. A.D.D. soon finds that they cannot go on without their wacky drummer and offer Fish a chance to rejoin the band. To do this, Fish must finally put the rejection of the past behind him and make peace with himself. The climax of the film is the meeting between Vesuvius and A.D.D. which allows Fish to once and for all move past his bitterness and wish Vesuvius a great show. Vesuvius soon takes the stage and it is revealed that they are lip-syncing and the legends are booed off the stage. As the crowd then chants "A.D.D.," the group takes the stage again and Fish is totally vindicated.

All in all, Wilson's performance carried the film. The cast (with the exceptions of Hesseman and Applegate) was dull and lacking, and the story itself was weak, even though the "Naked Drummer" concept offered the majority of the film's laughs. Personally, I hope to see Rainn Wilson in more films, preferably clothed.

Outside of that, The Rocker appealed to that deep inner desire for a second chance to relive youthful dreams and live out the saying that there is "No greater revenge than massive success." Fans of 80s big hair bands will enjoy The Rocker and appreciate many of the nuances expressed in the movie.

Ah, to be a kid again...

New beginnings, new resolve, new year

2009-12-31T14:37:00.007-05:00

So many of my peers are nay-saying New Year's resolutions this year. The main reason seems to be that no one (meaning themselves) ever keeps them.

I rather see New Year's Resolutions as opportunities to improve yourself over the previous year. New Year's represents a time of reflection and also the building of new dreams and new ideals. The New Year also gives rise to a new resolve to push yourself harder and achieve bigger things. Now what is wrong with that?

I traditionally post my New Year's resolutions here on my blog. Even though I abhor the idea of traditions from years of ministry abuse, I rather like this one, and I am going to keep it.

It is now my privilege to present my New Year's Resolutions for 2010. Whether you are inspired by these or choose to mock them, here they are:

Lose weight and feel better. I realize this one is a repeat from the last several years, but I still want to go for it.
Run in the Cooper River Bridge Run in Charleston this year. Why not?
Finish my novel. I have 7,200 plus words, and have about 50,000 more to go. Then comes editing and hopefully publishing. Free copies for my pals to read on their toilets!
Meet my career goals. The bottom line is that we spend 80 - 85% of our lives at work. Is it a crime to want to enjoy it? I think not.
Obtain more paid freelance writing jobs. They are out there waiting for me to find them.
Spend more quality time with family and friends.
In the spirit of #6, watch less television. That laughing sound you hear is from my wife and children.
Exercise 4 - 5 times per week.
Establish a household budget and maintain it, including a savings account and a real vacation.
Take control of my life, health, happiness, and destiny. Big words, I know, but hey, I am a big guy.

So there it is, my friends, my goals for 2010. At this time next year, I will let you know how I did. Have a happy, safe, and prosperous 2010, jungle friends!

Perspectives from 2009

2009-12-27T13:37:00.003-05:00

In many ways, oh-nine was a disaster. I began the year with a massive layoff from the greatest job I have had in a long time. Lived off of unemployment for about 2 weeks, then landed what I thought was going to be a great job at wholesale computer distributor. I miscalculated that one. It was like working for the devil himself.

The month of June was a job-hopping nightmare, and we have been playing financial catch up since. Christmas for the kids was minimal, but they all seemed to enjoy it.

On the positive side, we moved into a new home with a lot more space (and a leaky roof we have recently discovered...wait, this was supposed to be positive). Tracy and I have both come out much better on the job situation. I am actually working for myself for the first time since 1995. I have one client who gives me at least 40 hours a week worth of work to do. Anything on top of that is a bonus. I am close to adding one more client, and my business has expanded from IT Consulting into both Corporate and Freelance writing. I write regular columns for RUSE the magazine and I have been added to the freelance rotation of Lexington Life Magazine. I am also writing two novels, one of which is a collaboration with James, who moved back to SC this year! This will be our first collaboration in many years. I am excited!

Another plus to oh-nine was reconnecting with family and friends I haven't seen in years and making a lot of new friends as well. Facebook, though addictive and at times frustrating, has been a blessing in so many ways.

My family has struggled this year. The children are all growing up so fast, and some are dealing with teenage angst. Tracy and I have had our struggles this year as well, though mostly financial ones. We continue to try to love each other through and look hopeful toward the fact that things WILL get better. Though our cashflow has been far from steady, we still have MUCH to be thankful for.

I made reference to it earlier, but in oh-nine I did some real soul searching, some of which was quite painful. Through the process I have been able to let go of the ministry once and for all, and have rediscovered my two passions outside of family and friends, teaching and writing. I am in the process of pursuing a Master's Degree in Education. I want to teach high school English and Language Arts. I started on this journey when I was 18, and got sidetracked. Now, for the first time in a long time, I feel that I am on the correct path for my life and at the correct time in my life. Since I rediscovered this path, opportunities are availing themselves and I am excited.

For many years, I lived with shame and regret for decisions I have made. Most of my friends are very established in their careers, and I have had trouble just finding and keeping steady jobs. I have a college degree that has absolutely no value in the real world. On top of that, I am not getting any younger. I don't feel old, though I do look it at times. Oh-nine was the year where I purged all of that shame and regret. I am in a good place right now spiritually and mentally. My next immediate goal is to get my body back into shape (translation: last year's resolution bombed).

In oh-nine we lost three major pieces of our youth with the deaths of Michael Jackson, Ed McMahon, and Farrah Fawcett. It was very sad to lose these people, and at the same time it was a very stern reminder that I am not a teenager anymore, and that even pop-icons don't live forever. I catch myself saying, "When I was a kid..." to my children a lot lately. It is truly a different world than the one I grew up in. Not better or worse, just different.

I am looking forward to putting 2009 behind me. It was definitely not the best year of my life, but it was not the worst either.

On to 2010!

A Personal Tribute

2009-12-26T12:44:00.004-05:00

My generation has lived through at least three major wars. However, this is the first time one has hit so close to home. One of my dearest childhood friends, Chris "Peeley" Neeley (far right in the photo) has been summoned to one year of duty in Afghanistan. Peeley has a wonderful wife and is a father of two as well as a Public Relations expert. He is serving in our National Guard and will be putting his PR skills to work in Afghanistan for 12 months.

I have known Peeley for nearly a quarter of a century. If I were asked to describe him in one word, it would have to be "solid." He has built a wonderful career in Government Relations and has built a solid, happy family. He is also a solid friend, always willing to help a friend or even a total stranger.

From running for Student Council President in middle school, to the Airport High School band, to the Carolina Band to The SC Silver Elephant Club to breakfast this morning at Lizard's Thicket, I have always been able to find new found respect and admiration for my friend Peeley. He is a personal hero of mine and makes me want to be a better man, husband, father, and friend.

In just a few days, he will be serving our nation's interests in Afghanistan, and helping to further democracy in a very troubled country. I can say with conviction, that we who remain here will be safer because of men and women like Peeley.

Peeley, my friend, good luck, Godspeed, and hurry home! I promise you that we will look after your wife and children, and I look forward to many more breakfasts with you and the gang.

Too Blessed to be Stressed

2009-12-21T18:41:00.005-05:00

Today I overheard a comment that I seem to be hearing more and more. A fellow was talking about how much money he had made and about a new vehicle and then made this statement: "God has really blessed me."

At what point did having money and expensive toys become equated with God's blessings? If having money and stuff means God is blessing, than my household is cursed. I have been laid off twice this year, I am always late with the rent, I am driving the same Chevy S-10 that I have been driving since 2001, and if we're lucky, we might be able to buy a small gift for each of our children for Christmas this year. No, sirree, God has truly NOT blessed this house.

Do you see my point? I have friends who serve overseas as missionaries. One does not enter the mission field with hopes of financial prosperity and monetary "blessings." A blessing for them is to have food to eat for the day, and to make it home each day without being killed, raped, or tortured. Is it our understanding that these missionaries are not being blessed by God because they have to walk or ride a bike to get where they need to go and not a Mercedes or a limo? Surely not. And what about our soldiers scattered around the world missing Christmas with their families? I guess they aren't very blessed either. Sigh...

It's time for religious people to see the light. What the man I overheard today spent on his new truck (that God blessed him with) could feed 100 families in Darfur for a month. Think about that on Christmas morning while you collect your booty from beneath the tree.

Now, let me clarify something. I do not think that having money and being prosperous is evil. Thinking that wealth and prosperity make one "blessed" is evil as well as arrogantly presumptuous.

A popular Southern Baptist evangelist, Bailey Smith, once compared the Church to a luxury cruise liner, moving powerfully through the waters while many drowning people try to get on board. They end up drowning because the floating prosperous Church doesn't see them nor do they care.

Another thing that urks the living daylights out of me are these people who apparently don't live on the same planet as the rest of us. Ask them how they are, and they will say, "I'm too blessed to be stressed."

Well, lah dee freakin dah!

Retro Review: The Wrestler

2009-12-01T12:31:00.004-05:00

Regular readers of my blog will recall that I seldom get out to see movies when they are brand new and in theaters. It's not that I have little or no social life (well, perhaps that too), but I am appalled at movie prices, particularly the cost of Milk Duds. Typically, I wait for the flick to hit DVD or HBO. Such is the case of my latest Retro Review of Mickey Rourke in The Wrestler.

Right away I was drawn into the simplicity of the story. Mickey Rourke plays Randy "The Ram" Robinson, a superstar wrestler from the 80s. The story begins 20 years later, in the present day, where The Ram is no longer the headliner he once was, but continues to work local and independent wrestling shows. The Wrestler portrays these indy shows with great accuracy. From my own wrestling experience, I felt right at home in the story line. A bunch of no-name wrestlers, all changing in the same room (usually a conference or storage room, depending on the venue), going over who is wrestling who and when. Occasionally, we would have big names join us at our shows as well. All that is to say that The Wrestler gets an A for authenticity from beginning to end.

After a "hardcore" match, complete with barbed wire and staple guns, The Ram suffers a heart attack from years of living hard and shooting steroids and abusing pain meds. He collapses and and later wakes up in the hospital having had major bypass surgery. The doctor informs The Ram that he can never wrestle again. He soon realizes that the doctor is right and informs his promoter that he will be unable to compete in a match commemorating the 20th anniversary of the greatest match of his career vs. The Ayatollah.

The remainder of the movie follows The Ram trying to adjust to life outside the squared circle. He is forced to take a job in a grocery store deli while he attempts to reconcile with the daughter he abandoned for his wrestling career. The Ram is also vying for the affections of Pam, a stripper, portrayed by Marisa Tomei. Like The Ram, Pam is realizing that she is getting too old for her chosen profession as well. The two find themselves drawn to each other and try to start a romantic relationship. The highlight of the relationship between Rourke and Tomei is a scene in a bar where the two lament that the 80s was the greatest decade and was ruined by the 90s. This was a good moment for us forty-somethings. Outside of that scene, the interaction of the two characters was very dry.

After The Ram forgets a date he had made with his daughter, he realizes that the only thing he will ever be good at is wrestling, so he quits his deli job with extreme prejudice and announces his return to the ring. During his match with the Ayatollah, he grabs his chest and painfully tries to continue the match. The film ends with The Ram leaping from the top rope, leaving us to wonder if he survived the match or not.

All in all, I liked The Wrestler, but I didn't LOVE it. Mickey Rourke gave a superb performance. The film was very authentic and the scenes of Marisa Tomei as a stripper certainly didn't hurt the viewing. If you are a fan of professional wrestling, a budding wrestler, a has-been wrestler, or a never-was like me, you will enjoy The Wrestler. If you're looking for a good wholesome family movie, look elsewhere.

Thanksgiving Eve Oh Nine

2009-11-25T11:11:00.004-05:00

This is the time each year where I pause and offer thanks. I have many things to be thankful for. Family, friends, work, rekindled passions and dreams, and many possibilities ahead.

As I ponder the seemingly infinite number of things I am grateful for, I feel led to look back. It seems the older I get, the more I appreciate my memories. There was a time when I despised Thanksgiving. It seemed that every year someone (usually my father) would get drunk and cause trouble. Or someone would be offended by something someone else did or said or didn't do or say, and arguments would abound. Now that I am older, I realize that these things didn't happen as often as they seemed to, and there are some things that I really miss from Thanksgiving past.

I miss the smell of my Grandma and Grandpa Redders' house on Thanksgiving. My grandma was a genius in the kitchen. She cooked and baked mostly from scratch, and sometimes I would be privileged to help or at least watch her in action. She would actually stuff the Turkey and it always came out perfect. The way she prepared her Ham was an art form and it would cause the taste buds to get up and do the Charleston. The table was set perfectly, and I will never forget the year I graduated from the "Kids' Table" to the "Grown Up Table." I remember the red and green apple rings, as well as the olive and pickle tray. Grandma's stuffing was amazing, and she baked her pies from scratch. Good eating and good times!

All of my grandparents are gone now. I miss them all profoundly. My grandparents were precious to me. They always will be.

Tomorrow we will be having Thanksgiving dinner at my older sister Terri's house. Terri spent a lot of time with Grandma in her kitchen growing up, and it shows. When I eat Terri's cooking, it tastes almost exactly as if Grandma's hands prepared it through her. I look forward to Thanksgiving every year now, and it gives me joy to be with family and witness the legacy passed down to us from Mom, Dad, and the grandparents.

I wish the very same for all of my children. Happy Thanksgiving to all!

Fall Back and Enjoy!

2009-11-14T14:28:00.004-05:00

Autumn is my favorite time of year. Aside from South Carolina's fickle weather, I enjoy this time of year very much.

I love our home in Leesville. If we haven't had you over yet, have no fear. We are planning a gathering for the Carolina-Clemson game, and possibly a Christmas gathering. You are invited as soon as we hammer out the details. It is so gorgeous out here. The occasional smell of processed poultry is the only negative thing about being here.

Work is going great. Back in June, I started my own IT Consulting/PC Repair business, and it is finally taking shape. I have one client for whom I work 40 or so hours a week doing various Database Management and whatever else they ask of me. I am about to add another client who I will do monthly DBM for, and my business has branched out into Corporate Freelance Writing. New website is up and running, and it, like me, is a continual work in progress.

On the Freelance Writing front, I am still writing for RUSE the magazine and am about to begin writing some local fare for Lexington Life Magazine. The novel is progressing faster than I anticipated, but it is my first, so I don't want to rush it. I am already toying with ideas for the next one.

So, there you have it. All is good right now. I am looking forward to the holiday/family time coming up. I wish the Packers and the Gamecocks were doing better. Maybe next year.

Todd's Box O' Joy

2009-10-14T14:11:00.006-04:00

I had one of many conversations with James last night at what we have affectionately dubbed, "The Satellite Office." I could tell you where it is, but then we'd have to eliminate you, or, we would simply make you buy a round.

The conversation was about an article in Esquire where the writer lists 25 things that give him joy and then something about putting them all in a box. I did not actually read said article, you see. I prefer GQ or Men's Health over Esquire. The discussion began to actually churn my creative and grateful juices, but after our discussion, it was time to leave, as we had once again closed the Satellite Office with a few other stragglers.

This morning I read a nice post by my buddy Alan about some of his favorite things. After reading his list, I felt inspired to put down a few items of my own that give me great joy. After a brutal summer and 3 weeks of unemployment, it has been such a relief to be working again, and not having to panic about lack of income, etc. Today I feel grateful, and so, without further delay, I will now open my "Box O' Joy," and share with you the things which warm my heart and make me happy. Here they are, in no particular order:

The first cup of coffee every morning.
Watching the Three Stooges with Cody.
Hearing Katie, Jenna, and Christi giggle.
Playing "fetch" with Jesse (my Golden Retriever).
Listening to Tracy breathe as she sleeps and cuddles beside me.
Having Lilly (my cat) lay on my lap.
Watching football with Nicholas.
Watching my dog, Sunshine, run across the yard. She looks like a rabbit.
Cold beer on a hot day.
A & W Root Beer floats.
Staying up late and sleeping late.
Visits with James where he shares the latest "Harper stories."
Chick-Fil-A milkshakes (Strawberry or Peach).
Hearing Cody laugh at "America's Funniest Home Videos."
Diana Krall singing, "The Look of Love."
Listening to Matthew talk about his day.
Music from the 70s and 80s.
Deep conversations with people who actually know a thing or two.
Hugs.
Laughing myself to tears.
Apple Pie and Vanilla Ice Cream.
Having all the children (including Steven) home together. They are all uniquely special to me.
Thanksgiving Dinners when my grandparents were still alive.
The sound of running water (except when I have to pee).
Autumn colors.

Perspective...Through the Years

2009-09-30T14:10:00.009-04:00

I have run across some old photos in the last few weeks. It has been interesting to note the changes as well as recall the history behind each photo. Each photo is also representative of what I did NOT know at the time each photo was taken. For example...

In the 1968 photo, my whole life journey was just beginning. I was acclimating to life in a very big world. I didn't know how to walk, talk, read, write, feed myself, and, I was not..., er, housebroken. So many experiences awaited me. I didn't know what going to school would be like. I had yet to experience the joy of making friends.

In the 1982 photo, I knew what going to elementary and middle school was like. I had experienced it. When this photo was taken, I was in the 8th grade. I had the experience of making friends. One friendship in particular would become a lifelong one that defines us both. I had experienced the divorce of my parents by this time. What I had yet to experience was high school. If memory serves, I was actually contemplating this when the picture was snapped. I did not yet know the joy and pain of the teenage years. There were many experiences that would be had over the next four years.

In the 1986 photo, I am smiling big because I had finished high school and was standing on the precipice of new opportunities. My whole life was before me, and I could be or do anything I wanted to. I was all set for college, and I knew what I wanted to be when I grew up. I had friends who, I did not know at the time, would become lifelong companions and literally be like family. I had experienced "puppy love," dating, and heartbreak. I had a driver's license and a crummy yet beautiful 1978 Honda Civic that I had bought for $400.00. Even as I look at the photo, I am finding it hard to remember what it felt like to be that happy and free. Which brings me to the last picture.

In the 2009 photo, I am not smiling. I am happy, but I am also a lot more seasoned. I have experienced marriage, having children, divorce, bankruptcy, re-marriage, career changes, address changes, loss of loved ones including my estranged father, and many shattered dreams. Life after high school was much harder than I was prepared for. Adulthood has it's rewards, to be sure. Watching my children being born and growing into young men and women is a joy that can hardly be expressed in words.

As with all the other photos and times, there are still a lot of things I don't know. For example, I don't know what it feels like to be old. I joke about being old, but I am still only 41. My body still functions quite well. My mind is still sharp. Physically, I could use some work, but I can still exercise and move on my own. I don't yet know what being a grandparent feels like. All of my friends are still living. I probably have just as many days ahead as there are behind.

I sometimes wonder what I would say to myself if I could go back and talk to those young lads. I will close out this piece with just a few things that come to mind:

1) To the 1968 me, I would tell him to be more assertive with the neighborhood kids, and to not always avoid confrontation. I would also say that it was not cool at all to pee in Andy Nelson's closet, even though he probably deserved it.

2) To the 1982 me, I would congratulate him on a great year. The 8th grade me seemed to have a good head on his shoulders. He was a heck of a football player and made awesome grades. If I could offer him one piece of advice, it would be to keep writing no matter what happens.

3) To the 1986 me, I would have to have a long sit down with him. I would somehow try to convince him that college was going to be a lot harder than he realized, and that although he was very smart, he lacked good common sense. I would tell him that college can be fun, but you cannot have so much fun that you neglect your studies and classes. I would advise him to stay the course, no matter what. I would strongly caution him about drinking and driving. I would also teach him how to take care of himself and to never expect a woman to do that for him. I would tell him to be a man and cowboy up and to stop waiting for things to happen. Todd, go make things happen. You can and you should! I would tell him this as I grabbed him by the lapels to make sure he understood that admonishment.

The only thing I can say to the 2009 Todd is to somehow turn his situation around. Find a way and do it! I would also remind him that it's not so important how we start, but how we finish. We cannot undo the past, but we can change our present and look hopeful to the future.

Tuesday Technology Rant

2009-09-29T19:56:00.007-04:00

Technology is my life. I love the stuff. I love being engaged in conversations with my fellow tech heads about RAM, Motherboards, HDMI, URL, TCP/IP, Warp Speed, and new ways to brew coffee. What I love most about technology is that most of it is the result of forward thinking. When stuff becomes obsolete right after I buy it (like my Blackberry), I give a hearty "HOO-AH" to the Technology world. It is always moving forward, with one notable exception.

There is one particular facet of Technology that refuses to get better with age. In fact, it only gets worse. I am referring to Voicemail Greetings.

Remember when the answering machine first came out? Well, I do, and no, I am not old, despite the fact that my children laugh at me when I say, "When I was a kid..." Hey, I can't help the fact that we only had one rotary dial phone in the kitchen which we would fight to answer. I didn't even own a cell phone before age 25, and most of my brood got cell phones before their drivers licenses.

So where was I...? Ah yes, Voicemail Greetings.

The first thing you hear when you call most people is their personal greeting.

"Hello, this is the voicemail of Todd Vick, please leave me a message after the beep and I will call you back."

Simple, direct and to the point. Works for me. But, instead of a beep, you hear a 1960s operator give you the same spiel over again.

"After the tone, please record your message. When you have finished recording, hang up, or, press the # key for more options."

More options? Why would I need more options? I just wanted to leave a message, which I have now forgotten because of this verbose horn-rimmed glasses wearing operator. However, I WOULD like the option of not having to listen to you anymore. I...just...want...my...BEEP!

We have cell phones that can surf the net, check Facebook, and trade stocks real time, but I can't get a simple greeting and a beep. Maybe it's because of some old Union clause that we still have to listen to these nasal-talking fruitcakes.

Enclosing, I want to apologize in advance if I leave you a message with a certain aggravated inflection in my voice. Just know that it's not you, it's that I had to wait for the beep.

Autumn Reflections

2009-09-22T12:29:00.004-04:00

According to the calendar, summer is officially over. According to the SC calendar, summer will probably linger for a few more weeks.

I am not sure what it is, exactly, but deep down in my innermost being, I feel that there is spirit of freshness breaking forth. I am at a loss to describe it any other way. I just feel that good things are around the corner, and that positive changes are coming.

My favorite time of year is Autumn. I love the coolness of the morning and the warm evenings. I love the way the leaves change color and the gnat population begins to dwindle. When the leaves wither, dry up and fall to the ground, it means that the tree is discarding the old in order to make room for the new.

Again, I don't know why I feel so hopeful right now. I just do. In reality, things have been tough in my household since June. Money has been scarce, and jobs that pay well have not availed themselves to me. My family is stressed. I am stressed.

Yet there is hope. For the first time in many years, I feel like I am on the correct path. It is a path I have been on before but made some wrong turns and lost my way. Lately, I have rediscovered this path. There are many dead fallen leaves on this path, representing years of wasted opportunities and bad choices. My path is once again opening itself and inviting me to walk down it again. It is a path barely trodden, and it clearly beckons me.

This time, I aim to remain on the path, no matter what.

An Apology and Thoughts on Regurgitation

2009-09-14T13:39:00.006-04:00

Dear Faithful Readers of my humble blog,

I want to offer an apology for going off the other day on Congressman Joe Wilson and SC Politics as a whole. I am just a very passionate person, and sometimes leap from my heart before I use my head.

Two very wise people in my life, Anastasia Chernoff and Dr. Fredric Mau, have both told me that people make decisions based on the information that they have at the time. In other words, they act, react, speak, and think based on their own knowledge. I am one of those people, too. If I keep that thought in my mind, I tend to be more relaxed in my delivery, and I am also less inclined to bear my claws and attack.

Politics and religion are very impassioned and volatile subjects. Especially nowadays. We want our government and our churches to do the right things, and then we fight tooth and nail against it when they do. I don't know how to fix this, other than just to admit that I can't, and just have conversations with people.

I'm home today. Had horrible nausea and vomiting since last night. I even fell asleep during the Packer game. Frankly, I HATE throwing up. However, right afterward, there is such a feeling of relief and exhaustion.

Over the years, I have had to purge many attitudes, opinion, and predilections which were making me unbearable to live with. Especially in the last 5 years. It is not as important for me to be right all the time as it used to be. We live on such a large planet. There are so many individuals in this world and each one of us has a unique perspective on things. I think there would be more peace if we would just listen to one another. I didn't say,"agree," just listen. Talk it out, and be better for it.

Here is another subject close to the hearts of all my blogger buds: my career. In my blogging tenure, I have changed careers several times. Each time it was because of some need to find my place in this world. Change can be good, but too much change can have the opposite effect. Sometime, years ago, I lost my way. My son is a junior in high school this year. When I was his age, I had my whole life planned out. I knew what I wanted to do and who I was. I wanted to be a teacher and a writer. My 3 passions have always been teaching, music, and writing. I think my ministry calling was not genuine. I believe I went into the ministry to impress my now ex-in-laws. Since leaving the ministry, it is as though a weight has been lifted. As weird as that may sound, it is how I feel and I cannot help it. I don't believe that the years I was in the ministry counted for nothing. I have some wonderful memories of that part of my life. Far more good than bad ones!

So now, here I am, almost 42 years old. I recently asked a friend, "Do you remember the time in your life when you were the absolute happiest?" He looked at me, somewhat bewildered. I then proceeded to recount the time I believe I was happiest with my life. It was 8th grade. A close second would be 11th grade. I had lofty dreams. I wanted to be a teacher and a writer. In 11th grade, I also wanted to be a Musical Conductor. Somewhere between marrying, having children, and working to provide for them and now, I lost my way. I misplaced my passions. Don't get me wrong, I love being a Dad. My children are my greatest offering to this world, and sacrificing to take care of them is NEVER in vain. I would give all I have if it would make them happy.

Since leaving the ministry, I have been trying to find that great paying job in the IT industry. The longer I linger, the more I realize that "That pond is nearly all fished out." The jobs are just not there like they were in the 80s. I have been pursuing an MBA, and I enjoy the classes, but there is no passion, just knowledge. Even if I earned that MBA, I cannot be certain a good paying MBA type job will be there for me. Even if it were, I still wouldn't be happy. So, if you're interested, I will now share where I am going from here.

I am changing my major from MBA to Master's in Education. I would like to teach English or Creative Writing. However, I can also teach history, religion or philosophy with equal passion. I am also writing articles for RUSEmag.com, and I am very excited about this. Additionally, I am working on a novel and toying with a couple of short-stories. And James is home. It is great to be able to just call him up and go meet him somewhere without having to catch a flight (although I loved my trips to Seattle).

I feel sick to my stomach today. There has been much literal and figurative regurgitation. Aside from the nausea and bowl-hugging, I feel like I did when I was in the 8th and 11th grade: I know who I am, and why I am here, and I have rediscovered my passions.

Et Tu, Joe?

2009-09-10T10:21:00.005-04:00

In all my years in SC, whether I was right, left, or moderate, I have always supported Joe Wilson. I have met him in person several times. Sat at his table during a church luncheon one time. He is a true gentleman and statesman. If one of his constituents asks for help, he helps, and he does it quickly. He has been a true servant of SC for many years now. Joe, the politician. Joe, the servant of SC. Joe, the gentle giant.

Joe the HECKLER??? In a million years, I never would have seen that coming. He may as well have stood up and said, "Liar, liar, pants on fire!"

I am not a political expert like Tim Russert or people like him. But I'm not an idiot either. What exactly is every one's beef with President Obama? As far as I can tell, he has done everything he promised he would do. For years, people have pushed for Health care Reform in this country. He is taking action. Not just words, but real action. The President articulated his vision for America during his campaign and has made it widely available for us to read. He communicates through all the social media. If you don't know what he stands for by now, that is your own fault, quite frankly.

I would really hate to think that the fact of the President's skin color is at the root of all the "political grandstanding." I would hate to think that that is what all the heckling is about. There is one race: the HUMAN race. SC needs to grow up. If President Obama succeeds or fails, it will have nothing to do with his skin color. He is a very intelligent man and a genuine leader. Not to mention a tireless public servant.

I love SC. I have lived here most of my life. It is a great place to live and raise a family. SC Politicians would serve us better by keeping their bigotry and ignorance at home, or step aside. I am so embarassed by this state right now. You probably are too.

So let's get over ourselves and fix it.

Officially Published

2009-09-08T10:08:00.002-04:00

I can now introduce myself as a Professional Freelance Writer. A boyhood dream of mine.

The Labor Day Paradox

2009-09-07T13:05:00.009-04:00

The logic of the world continues to baffle me. The way that we just accept the things that we were taught and then pass these things on to our offspring without question raises a profound question: "Why?"

For example, to quote a witty observation, "Why do we park in a driveway and drive on a parkway?" It is a comical question, but to cynics like myself, it begs explanation. Logically, we should drive on a driveway and park on a parkway. That makes more sense to me. But they (the anonymous people who make this crap up) won't change it (whoever THEY are).

Another idiotic idiom we don't stop to ponder: Why do we say we are getting ON an airplane? I love to fly, but I am not getting on an airplane even if the flight were free of charge. I will, however, get IN the airplane. It seems to be much safer, and there may even be an in-flight movie to boot. To their credit (the THEY people again), it is not called an "ON-flight movie." Otherwise, I would have to pass.

Then, of course, here I sit, blogging on my day off, which is a little holiday called "Labor Day." On Labor Day, we honor labor by NOT working. That just makes PERFECT sense to me!

Shouldn't THEY change the name of the holiday to "Off Day," or perhaps, "NON-Labor Day?" I would even accept "ANTI-Labor Day." I would become a poster-child for such a holiday; my wife and children will vouch for that! Imagine, if you will, a day where Football, Clint Eastwood movies, and Star Trek and X-Files marathons play on TV all day! Furthermore, each time I finish a beer, another one magically appears! That sounds like a holiday to me!

The word "holiday" is another paradox in and of itself. It combines the words "Holy" and "Day." I suppose a day filled with perfect Man-TV and automatic beer regeneration seems to dispel the whole "holy day" concept, depending on your point of view, of course.

As we gently flitter back to reality, we are reminded that even with over 300 channels, nothing good is ever on TV, beer is a non-regenerating substance (well, maybe after 9 or 10 it is), and THEY seem content just to leave all this stuff as it is.

So, with that, my friends, I bid you a Happy Labor Day, however and wherever you may choose to celebrate it! As for me, I will be on my laptop. Or should I say, "AT my laptop?"

Whatever THEY decide.

Dazed, Disillusioned, and Dehydrated

2009-08-25T18:04:00.003-04:00

There is no reason why today's post is titled as it is. Other than it may reflect my mood at the moment. I have not been sleeping well and life has thrown a few curve balls of late. For some reason, I am drinking water like it's going out of style lately. Is it possible to be a "Waterholic?"

I would like for someone to point out to me the exact point where I screwed up my life. I cannot seem to recall a singular instance. I must've done SOMETHING to bring all of this calamity onto myself and my family.

Any takers? Shrinks? Fundamentalist right-wingers?

Take your best shot.

The Monthly "Remember Me?" Post

2009-08-03T13:06:00.004-04:00

It troubles me that I don't blog as much as I once did. I rather enjoy blogging...especially when I have something to say. I recall when I first started blogging, I would have a lot of time on my hands, but struggled for content. Now I have a lot of things I would like to blog about, but little time for blogging. For now, I will begin with an update of the goings on.

The Kirks moved back to SC. We dined with them at Chez Vick this past weekend. I am so excited to have my "brother" and his precious wife and daughter close by, though I will really miss my trips to Seattle. Could always bunk in at Das Ritterhaus...
Since June 1st, I have had 3 jobs, and now I am back where I started. So far so good.
As of today, I have finished my first of 12 MBA classes. One down, 11 to go (maybe less). It is exciting to think that as the Baby Boomers begin to retire en masse, there will be positions open and maybe a place for me and my MBA to go. Then again, it would be ok with me to just move up in my current place of employment. Either way, it feels great to have that class behind me.
Soon the children will all be back in school. Tracy and I have been in school all summer. We will have 5 in High School and one graduating this year.
By this time next year, I hope to have a pool with a deck that is connected to the current deck. I hope to have purchased my home. And I want to be about 70 pounds lighter. I also hope to have the book written and published.

For now, I must return to my duties as IT Consultant at Chipco.

Gone Too Soon, Staying Too Long, Gone Too Far

2009-06-26T23:22:00.003-04:00

I have so much running in my head right now, I don't know where to start. I am a flood of emotions this week. I know I am far from being alone in this regard. Something out of character happened to me 30 minutes ago. I wept...hard. I just broke, man. It all came out. All the emotions of the past week came pouring out in a river of sorrow and joy. I will list the events and briefly comment on each. I seem to work well off of lists. Lets me begin with last Friday and work to today. The longest 7 day stretch I remember ever having.

Friday, June 19:
I received a call from Mom telling me that one of my youth minister friends from the Chapel of Rejection was arrested due to allegations from 5 boys in his youth group of misconduct. He is a dear friend of mine and Tracy's. When I was on staff there, he and I would crack each other up at every staff gathering or meeting. My kids all spent the night at he and his wife's home for lock-ins. Thankfully, they had nothing negative to report. I love this guy, and I hurt for him. He screwed up. Bad. He will likely do some serious jail time, and have the sex offender label follow him for the rest of his life. My heart is broken by him and for him.

Sunday, June 21, Father's Day:
Tracy has a half-sister in Tennessee. They have been talking and wanting to get together and meet for the first time. She got a call Sunday that her sister's husband, age 29, didn't wake up. He apparently had some sort of cardiac arrest and was deprived of oxygen to the brain for at least an hour. He laid in a coma for a few days with no brain activity. They took him off life support and he passed away.

The next events kinda ran together, and I don't feel like looking up dates. But here they are:

1) The Kirks are moving back to SC! I am ecstatic about this, as I'm sure many of you are. I am very well documented regarding my feelings for my "brother" James. I am so glad to have him and his precious family back home. Overjoyed!

2) Our Governor, Mark Sanford, on the heels of the stimulus money fracas, disappeared for a few days, comes back and announces his extra-marital affair. I admire him for being a stand up guy, and I really do wish him and his family complete healing. This kind of thing can happen to any of us, blogger friends. What is bugging the crap out of me is all the GOP showboating that has ensued. Remember, dear readers, that the guilty dogs usually bark first. Maybe we should check into Andre Bauer and Jake Knotts' activities as well. Why do we keep re-electing these self-serving morons? Why? WHY? I think it's time for them to move on and take that idiot Henry McMaster with them. Just sayin...

3) Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett, and Michael Jackson. I can't say anything that hasn't already been said elsewhere. I will say that Farrah was my first celebrity crush, and I can't say enough about Jacko. You were there. You know what he has done, and most of us got to enjoy him at the top of his game. And I love Jay Leno, and Conan is rockin the Tonight Show, but the Tonight Show to me will always be Carson and McMahon. As Don Rickles said recently, "That kind of fun will never be had again." It is hard to imagine the world without them in it. But we press on.

With that, it has been a week from the netherworld. I'm glad it's over, but now the world is different. Who will be the next trailblazers for us now? Maybe one of our children. Maybe one of us. One thing is certain: the world that Ed, Farrah, and Michael shared with us was changed forever because of them.

Oh, to have had that kind of impact when my number is up.

Movie Review: Star Trek (with Trekker commentary)

2009-05-18T10:06:00.004-04:00

I finally saw the new Trek film with my wife yesterday, and like the Klingon warbirds in the Kobayashi Maru, I was totally blown away! It may very well be, in my opinion, the best Trek film in a long time.

You see, dear reader, I am a Trekker. Not to be confused with "Trekkie," which is used to describe weird Trekkers. I literally cannot remember a time when Star Trek was not a part of my life. I have been watching the series since I was 5 years old. I have chronologically packaged my life around Star Trek. For Example, when Star Trek IV came out, I was a senior in high school. My son was born just before Star Trek: Generations. And so on and so forth. See? Trekker.

To my embarrassment, I have never attended a Star Trek Convention. Perhaps someday I will.

Now that I have established my credibility as a Star Trek authority, allow me a few moments of commentary.

For several years now, I have been very concerned for the Star Trek franchise. When Star Trek: TNG ended, I had high hopes that their feature films may jump start the troubled franchise. After several disappointing TNG films, it seemed that Star Trek was going to phase out. The original series cast are, well, old. McCoy and Scotty are deceased, and there was very little hope for another feature film. Enter Star Trek: Enterprise.

Exit Star Trek: Enterprise. What a joke. I will refrain from further comment.

When rumors of a new Trek film abounded sporting a brand new cast, I had my doubts. Then when I saw the TV ad which began with, "This is not your father's Star Trek," I staring losing hope for the franchise. Like the faithful Trekker I am, I gave it a shot.

The rest is history. The film did everything right for me. The new cast is brilliant. It pleases me to report that the Star Trek franchise is alive again, and it will go on. I wonder if Gene Roddenberry ever thought his idea of a better universe would have the impact it has had. Like The Dark Knight has re-energized Batman, Star Trek is once again poised for another series of great films.

My name is Todd, and I am a Trekker.

Stuff

2009-05-06T09:26:00.005-04:00

Much has been going on of late. We are moving into a new home on June 1. We will be living literally up the road and around the corner from where we are now. Our current address is 139, and we will be moving to 330. We looked in Irmo, Columbia, and Lexington, but this one sort of dropped in our laps. 4BR, 2.5 bath, his and her sinks in the Master Bath, large fenced in yard, more than double our current square footage, a huge deck, and a nice 2 story barn in the back. The second floor of the barn will become a Fun Room at some point. You'll be invited, I promise!

About a month ago I had my truck serviced and it has been great. Until Monday, that is. The serpentine belt decided to come off while I was braving the commute home. I managed to get the truck home, and I will probably be able to replace the belt on Saturday, weather permitting. For now, the wife unit is driving me to and from work. She's such a trooper.

Speaking of work, I had another terrific month in April. May is starting off kind of slow, but I am confident it will pick up once school is out.

School is out??? Is it that time again already?? I think all the kids need to get jobs. A least the cats should help out with the household chores. Congrats to my daughter Jenna for being awarded SC Junior Scholar and Spanish Excellence Awards. I am proud of all of my children. They should all get awards! Awards or not, I have always believed that the accomplishment of a thing is it's own reward.

Today is Wednesday, and I am sleepy. Kids all come home tonight and remain for the weekend. Don't forget Mom on Mother's Day!

A Beautiful Mind or an X-File?

2009-04-22T10:36:00.006-04:00

One of my favorite films is Ron Howard's A Beautiful Mind, starring Russell Crowe as John Nash, one of the greatest mathematicians of the 20th century. Nash won a Nobel Peace Prize for his "Governing Dynamics" approach to economics. The film focuses more on Dr. Nash's mental illness and him overcoming that challenge. It was a really good film, although I was more moved by my own performance as James St. John Smythe in The Man From Manchester 3.

I digress.

When I saw A Beautiful Mind for the first time, I was totally blown away when it was realized that Nash's best friend and his employer did not really exist. They were made up in his mind as a result of his mental illness. Important people and the meaningful relationships he had had with them were suddenly gone. Afterwards he always questioned new people as to whether they were real or imagined.

I feel like that when it comes to my faith. Over the last 5 years, everything I have believed in is not what I once believed it was. Now I question everything and am afraid to trust in anything spiritual. I find myself unsure if I can ever believe in anything again. What if there is nothing to believe in, and faith is something we conjure up out of some inner need?

I am a huge fan of the X-Files. Agent Mulder (played by David Duchovny) has a poster behind his desk with the words, "I Want To Believe."

I can relate.

Blame It On Brainwashing

2009-04-21T14:37:00.003-04:00

Years ago, a Pastor friend of mine used the illustration of a coffeemaker to describe how we receive knowledge and instruction. Basically, when the water enters the machine, it is clear and uncolored. It is simply water.

As the water is processed through the coffee in the filter, it turns brown. It is not what was originally poured into the coffeemaker. It is now something else: coffee.

The fact that I love coffee nullifies this illustration for me personally! Seriously though, Pastor Mike had a good point, that we receive knowledge and then it filters through what we have been taught and indoctrinated in. In other words, we don't accept the knowledge for what it is; we must filter it through our belief system. Basically, we are talking about a form of brainwashing.

The surviving Somalian pirate's family is stating that he had been brainwashed, and this is why he became a pirate. Say it with me, "Aarrrrgh!"

Children in the Congo are kidnapped and brainwashed into becoming soldiers. KKK children are taught to hate as soon as they are born. It happens everywhere, and sometimes it is less obvious.

I have been brainwashed too. Many times, and in a variety of ways. Too many to mention here. But I will offer one. I have been taught to hate gay people. I did, too, with extreme prejudice. Until I met one. And then another. And yet another. I discovered that there was a real person under the gay.

I'm not here to defend gay or anti-gay. I'm here to say that we should make it a point to try and see people for who and what they are BEFORE we run them through our "filters" and pass judgement.

I once pastored a man who hated black people. He made no apology for it, and dropped N-bombs when and where he pleased. His wife used to say, "That's just the way he is." No, that's the way he has been brainwashed to be, and now he is brainwashing his offspring to do the same.

Personally, I have spent the last 5 years trying to wash my brain of all the brainwashing and begin again.

By the way, why wasn't the pirate allowed into the movie?

Because it was rated "Aarrgh!"

I apologize.

Post Easter Post

2009-04-13T14:15:00.002-04:00

Back to work today. Kids are all back at school minus one who had a doctor's appointment today. Today is Tracy's birthday, and she is spending it running kids to and from doctors. It doesn't seem fair.

We celebrated her b-day last night with the family, and I am going to save my birthday celebration for her for this upcoming no-kids weekend.

I am depressed. Not because it's Monday, but because yesterday was Easter, and I could have cared less. For years, my whole year centered around Resurrection Sunday. All my sermon planning, etc., was to lead up to Easter in a huge crescendo.

This year: nothing.

I'm troubled.

Random Ruminations/Soapboxing

2009-04-09T12:41:00.006-04:00

I think our Governor is an idiot. No wonder SC is a laughing stock. I was helping Jenna study for a test about post-Civil War SC the other day, and I am not surprised to discover that the mindset here hasn't changed much at all in the last 145 years. I think SC needs more Yankees. Just sayin...
My wife has adopted yet another stray dog. Anyone looking for a new pet?
People who abandon puppies should be punished to the full extent of the law.
If it weren't for Pandora, I would never survive sitting at a desk all day long. Kudos to whoever created Pandora.com.
I just might be married way, way, WAY out of my league. Tracy is awesome. I am not.
I am not really passionate about anything anymore. That troubles me.
On the flipside, I can't really find anything to BE passionate about.
I wish I had more time/energy to blog. Lots of stuff rolling around in my with no outlet.
My job is cool, but i miss being a Technician.
I miss Norm, Dan, and Frank. We were a good team. At work AND at play!
I love Springtime!
I hate Springtime!

Month End

2009-03-31T17:56:00.002-04:00

It seems I have reached the end of March with very little time for blogging. I regret this, not just for the benefit of both of my reader/fans, but that I have much to blog about, but little time.

Today I am under the weather. Chest cold or something. Lots of coughing and headaches from coughing.

More to follow...

Week End

2009-03-13T17:36:00.002-04:00

So...what a week. I had a great week at work, and I am excited about some changes I have made in my educational direction. I am going to pursue an MBA in Technology Management through the University of Phoenix. It will be all done online. I have realized that I am tired of going to class after working all day. I have done it for years. It's not that I can't keep up. I am just ready for a change. Anyway, I'm pumped.

I have also caught up with a few more pals on Facebook. Some I not seen or heard from in awhile.

Gotta go. My weekend is here!

Point of Clarity

2009-03-06T20:40:00.003-05:00

My lovely wife made it clear to me that in my last post, I was a little too vague regarding my self-describing as a "Spiritual person rather than a Christian." Upon further review, I agree that some sort of clarity needs to be made.

For me, right now, being a Christian simply means doing this and not doing that or living a certain way on a certain day of the week and then choosing to live another way the rest of the week and then to be even more entirely different when no one else is watching. (pauses to catch breath and reflect on my horrible grammar here--my apologies to Mad Ox and Mr. Orgel).

People are all about trying to live the "Spirit-filled" life, which translates into a great deal of performance, tongue speaking, and floor flopping from my vantage point. I am learning to try and embrace the spiritual side of life, without the fluff, and I am learning that other people are picking up on what the Christian church is missing entirely. So I am seeking the spiritual. Where I go from here is not yet written. But I know God is Spirit, and I am looking for the Spirit and Truth.

Hope this clarifies things.

Stuff I Think You Should Know

2009-03-04T14:03:00.003-05:00

Full disclosure is what we're all about here at ye olde blog. Obviously, you should get your money's worth here. The reader should have all the information in order to make an informed decision about whether or not he/she wishes to continue visiting Todd's Word.

With this in mind, I am beginning a regular column which I have dubbed, "Stuff I Think You Should Know." The column will appear..., well, when I feel there's something you should know. Let's begin:

I will drive out of the way for decent jazz or a great cup of coffee.
Over the last 5 years, I have become more liberal (if we must assign a label).
I hate labels. I label them under "Crap."
I can blow my nose in 3 octaves.
Racism of any sort is wrong. If I hate racists, does that make ME a racist?
Next to Star Trek, I believe the X-Files and Ally McBeal were some of the greatest TV shows ever made.
I really like Oprah. I like her vision for creating a better world. And I also like the fact that she puts her money where her mouth is. Don't care for the show, though, and I detest Dr. Phil.
Most of today's music is crap to me. I like Pink, Kanye West, and Nickelback, but in small doses and only in certain phases of the moon.
"Bathroom Humor" really tickles me. Always has. Always will. I gave up asking why.
I am honored to be called friend by so many people.
When I was a kid, I wanted to be a Dad. It is still the best job I've ever had.
I am a more spiritual person than I am a Christian. There is more out there. So much more. It is overwhelming and yet wonderful.
Bruce Lee was way ahead of his time. His thoughts on philosophy are mind-blowing.
I think President Obama is the coolest president ever.

Full disclosure, people--that's what we're all about. Keeping you informed is our number one job.

Much Ado About Nothing

2009-03-03T12:22:00.002-05:00

That is what my blog has become.

Once a bastion of religious and political commentary, my blog has become dull and boring. I have never wanted to a a single-issue blog. I have always sought after variety regarding subject matter. Lately there just hasn't been much for me to blog about.

I have often hesitated to share my personal predilections when it comes to hot-button topics like politics and religion. I choose to keep these things quiet for two reasons:

1. My opinions and bents are mine and mine alone.
2. Opening up on such topics seems to invite discord from people who are not like-minded, and frankly, I just don't want or need to hear it.

So you see, dear reader, I am struggling with where to go from here. Should I open up and reap the whirlwind, or just stick to the cutesy material? What do you think? Leave a comment and put your $.02 in. Go ahead. I don't bite.

No Wonder

2009-02-26T09:17:00.004-05:00

I have always loved the music of Stevie Wonder. "For Once In My Life" is one of my all time faves. I am delighted to see that we have honored his acheivements accordingly.

Manilow is next...or so I hope.

Hollywood Has Its Moments

2009-02-25T09:47:00.001-05:00

George Clooney is the man!

Midweek Rant

2009-02-25T07:58:00.003-05:00

To all the drivers on I-20 East:

If the speed limit says 60 MPH, then it is perfectly acceptable to increase your overpriced vehicles to that speed at least. Do not fear the speed limit. Embrace it.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled Wednesday.

Week One

2009-02-20T12:53:00.004-05:00

I have had a great week. Work is awesome. I am learning a lot of new stuff and that is always cool.

Sunday night I had a chance to visit James at our usual hanging out place. Missed breakfast Monday morning due to work, but I look forward to catching the next one.

Looking forward to a nice weekend with Tracy and the kids. Tracy and are going to upgrade our cell phones to Blackberry Storms. Then we are shopping for a decent treadmill.

I do miss my kickboxing though.

The New Gig

2009-02-17T21:55:00.006-05:00

The new job is going very well so far. I really think I may have found my final resting place, so to speak. The picture to the left reflects the condition my workstation was in when I arrived on the job. To the very left is a coffee mug that was never washed. Upon opening the mug, I believe I witnessed the birth of an alien life form. Cup and entity were promptly jettisoned.

I am a neat freak. Hence the "after" photo. I cleaned and dusted off my desk with a vengeance. Everything is neatly organized now, and I am pleased. I will be adding more desk photos and cubicle paraphernalia in the days and weeks and hopefully, years, to come. My cubicle may equal Rick's in coolness and nostalgia one day...maybe.

Vick...Todd Vick. I am a Technical Consultant. If Chipco Computers were a Fast Food joint, I'd be the guy at the drive-in window saying, would you like some DDR2 memory sticks with your order?

I can live with that...for now. I have lots of room to move up, and a company that would like to see me do just that.

It's a good gig.

Employed Again!

2009-02-14T12:56:00.002-05:00

Got the job at Chipco Computers! Start Monday at 8:00. No weekends ever again! I cannot recall a time since the early 1990s that I have had a job that didn't require weekends. I will have cookouts! We can go to the park! I can wash the cars! Change the oil! Bathe the dog! Love it!

Catoe, Rick and George...lunch at Cracker Barrel soon...?

Boy, Didn't See THIS Coming...HA HA

2009-02-13T12:47:00.001-05:00

Not this again...

The Flu Continues To Fly

2009-02-12T15:18:00.004-05:00

As of right now, Tracy and three kids are down with the flu. So far, I am flu free. With the miracle of hand-sanitizer and Lysol, I expect to remain free.

Had an interview today with Chipco Computers. It seems my technical and sales background may finally have some use. If hired, I will begin Monday morning at 8:00. Boo yah! At Chipco, I may have found a place to call home. Turnover is very low, and they want longevity in their people. At 41 years old, I am not as marketable as I was back in the 1990s. I still have a lot to offer, though, and I may have found a good match for my skills and experience. Not only this, but I will also have my own cubicle and a smokin' PC to use. Good benefits and retirement are also available after 90 days. I should hear from them on the morrow.

I have also begun the SlimFast diet today. Despite my exercising, I am not losing the weight. Not gaining, but not losing either. I'm going to do this for about a month and see what happens. I weighed in today at 250. This is the most I have ever weighed in my life. Not good. Not good at all. My goal is 70 pounds. That's right: 7 - 0. It make take me the rest of 2009, but I will work hard at it. The double chin has got to go.

I also got some money in the mail today from Tech. Rent is paid, and tomorrow I will take care of the vehicle taxes. My tax refund should hit the bank tomorrow. Just in time for a Valentine's Day surprise for Tracy. More on this later.

One FLU Over The Cuckoo's Nest

2009-02-10T14:14:00.004-05:00

I am home with a flu bitten child today. It's not like I have anywhere else to be, but I am glad I can be here to take of the lad. Makes his Mom happy too! Mr. Moms everywhere can just eat their hearts out! Hoo-ah!

Having said that, what I would really like is a job. A career. Some place where a guy like me can put his nose to the grindstone and push forward at full speed, stopping for coffee every now and again. Is that so much to ask? In today's recession/depression/pre-economic stimulus era? Yes.

It is pretty sad that at the end of yesterday, my greatest accomplishment was that I recorded Star Trek 2: The Wrath of Khan onto my DVR. Now I can watch 2 and 3 back to back! I still would rather have a job. I am going stir crazy. I have many hooks in the career water. I'm just waiting for a bite.

A nibble, perhaps?

Strangely, as I typed the above words, I got a call about a job. Phone interview tomorrow. Cool.

Random Ruminating XLIII

2009-02-03T14:59:00.003-05:00

I'm tired of being unemployed. Seriously. I once believed when I obtained my college degree that I would be set for life. Frankly, I'm a tad upset at being underqualified, overqualified, and just not quite experienced enough.

I receive no less than three job offers a day inviting me to sell life insurance. No thanks. Unemployment pays better.

My children are all growing up way too fast. For me, not them.

I love my wife very much. I recall a time when I was afraid of being single in my old age. We have had a tough 5 years. Things are good right now. I want them to stay this way.

I wonder what I ever did to deserve such a great circle of friends.

I really need a haircut. Or do I go for the grunge look...?

I recently updated my Rhapsody account to the latest version. In doing so, my playlists and library got totally flubbed up. Example:

Song - Rock and Roll All Nite
Artist - Anne Murray.

My Rhapsody update also wiped out my iPod wishlist consisting of over 300 songs which I spent a year putting together. Grrrr.

I miss my kickboxing class. I suppose there's always my wife's TAE-BO videos for now.

WalMart in Batesburg has all the Bruce Lee movies packaged for only $14.97. Sweet.

Wings, Football, Springsteen and BFFs

2009-02-01T21:27:00.005-05:00

A fine evening watching the first half of Super Bowl 43 at Carolina Wings in West Columbia. Personally, I could care less about either team that played. I just enjoyed a good time with great friends and food.

In the top photo, Catoe and I are strategizing for our next Guitar Hero challenge.

The other photo contains 200 collective years of wisdom, fun, and ploys. I wouldn't trade anything for this group of friends. From L to R: George, Peeley, Catoe, Rickwell, and me. Noticeably missing from the photo are Jay, Alan, Ritter, and Chuck. Hope we can all pose for the next photo. After everyone left, I did manage to catch a couple songs during Springsteen's halftime show. The Boss delivered!

Interesting final thought: with Jay, Alan, Ritter and Chuck in the photo, there would be, collectively, 360 years of wisdom, fun, and ploys...and a few cigars.

Next Year's Christmas Card

2009-01-26T07:01:00.003-05:00

It's amazing to me that just a few months ago, I was considering deleting my Facebook account. Since the day I decided to keep it, I have reconnected with over 70 people whom I have not seen since High School.

One of these old acquaintances is Chris Catoe. I lost touch with him in the early 1990s. Not really sure why. Over the years I had tried various means to look him up without success.

Then one day I received a Facebook friend request from his son Preston, who I had only met once, years ago. Through Preston I was able to reconnect with Chris, and, as it is with all good friendships, we picked right up where we left off.

Chris is one of my best pals. We sat side by side in the Airport High School band for three years where we dominated the Tuba section. Outside of band, we were almost inseparable. We had a lot of laughs, and now we are able to share even more laughs. Tracy and I spent new year's eve with Chris and Donna, as well as regularly getting together at one another's homes.

I am blessed with a circle of great friends. Having Catoe back in my life completes the circle. My best Christmas gift in 2008 was reconnecting with my bud.

The jogging suit was nice, too.

Motivational Poster (thanks Chuck)

2009-01-22T14:13:00.004-05:00

What makes this photo so darned funny is that I was apparently unaware of the position my fingers were in as I rested my weary chin on my hand.

At any rate, thanks to my pal Chuck, I was inspired to offer my own motivational poster.

Reconnected and Reconfigured

2009-01-21T16:35:00.007-05:00

It's feels good to be back online from home. Much catching up to do in the blogosphere.

In addition to getting reconnected, I was also able to upgrade the memory on my PC. She runs much better now. Teenage girls and their millions of pictures have consumed most of the original memory space.

Still unemployed, but have an interview at 9:00 am right here in good ol' Batesburg-Leesville. After the interview, I will catch up on my blog, complete with pictures.

I thoroughly enjoyed watching the inauguration coverage yesterday. I confess to getting a bit emotional along with Tom Brokaw. Our country has come so far, and now we are going even further.

I regret that my gmail box is being overloaded with racial jokes and anti-Obama propaganda. Most of these come from people I love and respect, and now must respectfully agree to disagree. Seems that one of my old pastor friends would spend less time bashing President Obama and more time lifting him up in prayer.

At any rate, I am pleased with our new President until he gives me just cause not to be. Comments to the contrary are always welcome, but will likely not change my mind.

Enough politics. Let's talk Guitar Hero. As far as video games go, I am always going to be a "roll-of-quarters-in-the-arcade" kind of fellow, but I have really come to enjoy GH. I am still on the "Easy" level, however. In the photo are me and my hetero lifemate Chris Catoe. It is good to have him back in my life.

Have to get ready for class. Peace!

Here We Go Again

2009-01-09T18:42:00.002-05:00

14 months ago, I was unemployed due to my position being eliminated. Now, once again, due to production cutbacks, I find myself contributing to the unemployment statistics. Myself and 200 others were escorted to the door. I am receiving unemployment benefits and looking for a new place to call work.

Beyond that, all is well here. Using the downtime to catch up on some honey-dos. I resume my studies at Tech on Monday, and away we go.

11 more days until the nightmare which we call the Bush Administration is over. I find myself deeply hoping that the new administration will live up to the promises, etc, etc.

Still borrowing internet from Tracy's uncle. I have many photos to post. Some of you will recognize my hetero lifemate Chris Catoe from the upcoming photos and will be witness to my latest addiction: Guitar Hero.

Photos and posts from my own PC will be coming soon.

Where Is TODD-o?

2009-01-05T15:29:00.002-05:00

Internet is down at home (traded internet for Christmas spending power). Should be back up again soon. So much to blog, so little time.

Hope everyone had a Merry Xmas and may we all enjoy a prosperous, post-Bush 2009.

Two-score and One For Two

2008-12-04T17:45:00.005-05:00

This is the annual "Jay and Todd" birthday week. Our birthdays are exactly 7 days apart. I cannot recall a time when Jay was not a part of my life. We have remained close since 2nd grade in Miss Owens' class at PRMS. We were 7 years old. One of us said something about Star Trek, and we have been pals ever since.

The things we have experienced together would make Moe, Larry and Curly look like gentlemen. Jay was there for the births of all 3 of my children. My son, Cody, was given the middle name of James in honor of my pal. He stood as best man at my first wedding, and I had the honor of officiating his. He attended my second wedding via Tim Hill's cell phone. He spoke at my ministry ordination. I was delighted to be able to celebrate our 40th birthdays last year in Seattle. Bash 41 will be delayed this year, but we will get together at some point.

I have been blessed with many great friends. Some of whom I have known for 20+ years. At the top of the list is my brother Jay.

So, once again, happy birthday, ol' chum. Soon we will hoist a Smithwick's at the Blarney Stone, but until then, I hoist my bottle of water.

Thanksgiving Day 2008

2008-11-27T11:31:00.003-05:00

I am thankful today. Every year I try to pause on Thanksgiving Day and return thanks for the blessings in my life. In no particular order, here is a sampling:

I am thankful for my wife. In good times and not-so-good times, Tracy remains a steadfast, loving, giving companion.

I am thankful for my children. Ever since I was a young lad, I wanted to be a father. I could not be more proud of Cody, Jenna, or Katie.

I am thankful for my step-children. They each have giving hearts like their Mom. I am proud of all of them.

I am thankful for my health. I have had some scares this year. These have served to help me appreciate the bod I have. I am trying to take better care of it.

I am thankful for my friends. Your steadfastness through the years never ceases to warm my heart. The laughs, the memories, and the ploys enrich my life beyond words.

I am thankful this year especially for my grandparents, Hiram and Theo Vick, and Clare and Nellie Redders. Though they are no longer here, they have each instilled a legacy into me. I tell my children to treasure their grandparents, because when they're gone, they're gone. My Grandma Redders put her heart and soul into many Thanksgiving feasts. My Grandma Vick never forgot our birthdays or failed to send us Christmas cards and gifts such as handmade shirts, sweaters, and fruitcakes. My Grandpa Vick was a kind and gentle man, and my Grandpa Redders could fix anything. I miss them all so much.

I could go on and on, so I will curtail things here and wish you Happy Thanksgiving 2008.

Time to Blog and be Thankful

2008-11-26T16:07:00.006-05:00

After several days straight, I am now officially off until Monday. I have not had time to blog in awhile. Some big things happened over the last 3 weeks.

First, we have a new President. President-Elect Obama has made history. Now, there is much work to do. Time will tell if he was, in fact, the right choice for our leader. He has my prayers and my support.

Second, we got another dog. Sunshine comes to us from the same family who grossly neglected my late Golden Retriever, Levi. I believe she is a Pekingese and around 8 years old. She is already spoiled...rotten. She looks a lot like Gizmo from Gremlins.

Third, I have been treated by and released from my cardiologist. After many expensive tests, it has been determined that there is nothing wrong with me that diet and exercise cannot fix. Since dieting before Thanksgiving is next to pointless, I will begin the diet and exercise on December 1.

So, there you have it, gentle reader. All is well in Todd's world. I miss my Wisconsin relatives very much, and I wish I could be up there to carve the turkey with them. However, I will be with my Mom, stepdad, and sisters tomorrow. Tracy's dad is down from Ohio, so we will be surrounded by family. Rumor has it the Kirks may be around for a quick visit. I am looking forward to tomorrow.

Thus endeth the pre-thanksgiving post.

2008 Birthday Wish List

2008-11-07T17:01:00.002-05:00

Please excuse me while I display, unashamedly, my narcissistic hedonist side. However, I remind the reader that one "Has not, because he asks not." So here is my asking.

Round trip airfare to Seattle. I miss the Kirks, and would love to visit Das Ritterhaus.
Tickets to a Packer game at Lambeau field, airfare included.
A night on the town, along with a designated driver (should I stay up past my bedtime).
Tickets to Manilow in Vegas, with airfare included.
World peace (ha ha).
Caryn's novel--published and autographed.
An iPod.
A Blackberry.
Any Wisconsin Badger/Green Bay Packer paraphenelia.
Van Halen to play at my birthday party!

A feller can dream...

Political Observation

2008-11-03T14:29:00.008-05:00

Here we are, one day away from Election 2008. I am off work today due to more testing at the SC Heart Center. I'm home now, and I just want to add one more voice to the political commentary arena. My voice.

I'm not going to discuss who I am voting for and why. Frankly, that is my business, and I really just want to avoid anymore debate on why "I'm wrong and you're right." However, I would like to make an observation, and I wish to dedicate it to the late Gene Roddenberry.

Tomorrow's Presidential election is incredibly historical, regardless of the outcome. It will be an election of firsts, either way. We will either elect our first African-American President, or we will have our first woman VP ever in the White House...fascinating!

It fills me with hope that we have come this far as a nation during our lifetime. Gene Roddenberry, with Star Trek, painted a hopeful picture of a galaxy with no racism, no poverty, and full equality for all. He showed us a visionary possibility for our future. Since Trek's maiden voyage in the late 1960s, our technology has evolved at breakneck speeds. In addition, because of Star Trek, scientists and quantum physicists are making significant breakthroughs, at least in theory. No doubt Roddenberry would be impressed.

Is it possible that we as a nation are finally growing beyond the pride and prejudices which have been handed down to us for generations? Are we expanding our horizons and reaching for newer possibilities we have never before considered (at least seriously)? Will we then lead the rest of the world to do likewise by our example?

I want to believe it. I want to believe that Roddenberry's vision of the 23rd century could very well be unfolding before us in the 21st century. I want to believe that somewhere people like Roddenberry, Dr. Martin Luther King, Bobby Kennedy, or anyone who has ever dared to dream of a better world are pleased that the dreams for which they died may be right in our collective grasps.

I want to believe. For my children's children's children, I want to believe.

6 Quirky Things About Me

2008-10-21T13:02:00.004-04:00

Tagged awhile back by Rick and Caryn, I offer 6 quirky things about myself. Though it would be much easier to post quirky things about Rick and Caryn (ha ha), I will do my best. It was hard to narrow the quirks down to only 6.

I have an odd taste in music. I would rather listen to Sinatra or Tony Bennett than anything mainstream. I also dig Hall and Oates and Manilow. Yet some days I will go completely metal. Classic Rock is always good for me. I find it quirky that I was born in the 60s, raised in the 80s, and yet I prefer the music of the 70s. I don't have an iPod (yet) but when I get one and load it, it will be all over the place.
I can't draw very well, but I am a great doodler.
When I am in the men's room, washing my hands or what-have-you, when I hear a bathroom noise from one of the stalls, I immediately recall an incident in the new 100 hall at AHS in 1986. Steve Ritter and I were in the men's room and a noise escaped the stall. The look on Steve's face is as clear to me 20 years later as it was then. Bottom line is: I have to control myself from laughing in the men's room. Not because of the noises, but because of the look on Ritter's face. Classic! I am so immature at times. Isn't it wonderful?
I love to read, but I seldom complete a book right away. Right now I have about 11 books I am reading. Whichever one I'm in the mood for, I pick up and read. Then I may not pick it up again for a month. I do eventually finish books, but not very expediently. Now and then I may find a book that I cannot put down. Still waiting for Caryn's book...
I have a shoebox full of pictures that I am finally getting around to putting in an album. Don't be surprised if a photo shows up on my blog of me with any of my blogger pals "back in the day." You have been warned.
My family heritage is important to me. I have discovered many things online about my ancestors. I am currently working with a museum about retrieving a wood carving done by my great-great-great-great grandfather, Torbjorn Vick.

I hereby tag you, but only if you want to play.

De-Pressurizing and Re-Discovering

2008-10-20T21:22:00.004-04:00

The melee began as usual, on my knees, fixing a machine in the QA area. A co-worker who had recently suffered a stroke came to me and said, "Todd your face is awfully red; do you have blood pressure issues?" I replied, "It's possible." So she advised me to go to the security office and let them check my BP. I was not aware that they were so equipped, so off I went.

First reading: 194/121; second reading: 191/112; third reading: 192/117. Security officer says, "Todd, I'll be right back." Within seconds, the "First Response" crew at Flextronics was surrounding me, offering to call me an ambulance and hook me up to some oxygen. Feeling my bp slip up another couple points, I insisted that I felt ok and that my doctor was just down the road. Before I left, however, they gave me a brief dissertation and family history of their own issues with BP and BP meds, sending my systolic up 2 more notches. I thanked them and my boss for allowing me to drive myself to the doctor. Doctor prescribed BP meds, told me to go home and rest all weekend (bummer), and see a cardiologist.

Today, after a weekend of attempted R & R, I spent 1/2 the day at the SC Heart Center. Over the next few weeks, I will be undergoing many tests to determine the exact cause of my hypertension, which I already know are work-related. But since I have medical insurance, I figured I would allow them to poke and prod at will and run as many expensive tests as they deem necessary.

Changing the subject, on Saturday I went to Family Christian Bookstores with Tracy. Those who know me well know of my disdain for the "big business" of Christianity. Stuff's cheaper at Wal-Mart. I went in anyway. I browsed the music section and discovered three amazing things:

1) It has been 20 years since the release of Amy Grant's Lead Me On. Jay, Rick, and myself have many special memories at WQXL surrounding the original release. The live concert was one for the books, eh, fellers?

2) I saw that my musical hero, Paul Smith, released a new CD in 2006, and I had no idea. I am so out of touch with Christian music, which brings us to number 3:

3) Other than Amy Grant and the Smiths, Paul and Michael W., I was not familiar with ANYONE in today's Christian Music culture. I was once an encyclopedia of facts, song lyrics, and John Fischer articles in CCM Magazine. Today, nothing. Nada. Zilch. What was I talking about...?

Well, there you have it. You are now up to date, and I have been restricted to rest until Thursday. Maybe I will blog some more. Lots I want to catch up on.

Make Your Own Caption

2008-10-15T20:48:00.004-04:00

Following in George's fun-with-blogging genius, I offer a photo taken of me at work yesterday for the "Make Your Own Caption" nuttiness.

Hat tip to Dan for the photo, which was taken on his new Blackberry (which I covet...oh, the shame).

This should be a hoot! Bloggers, start your captions!

The Matrixx Revolution Continues

2008-10-14T20:51:00.000-04:00

Create Fake Magazine Covers with your own picture at MagMyPic.com

I miss my Harley...

2008-10-14T20:47:00.000-04:00

Create Fake Magazine Covers with your own picture at MagMyPic.com

And On We Go

2008-10-14T19:02:00.004-04:00

My steady progression toward total geekness continues with the creation of my own personal Avatar.

I have now acheived something that even my more computer literate children have yet to accomplish. Future generations of Vicks will behold great-great-great-grandpa Vick's Avatar with awe.

Nah, it was just something I wanted to try out. Mad props to Rickwell for helping me choose an Avatar site.

Monday the 13th

2008-10-13T19:39:00.004-04:00

No, I really am not a superstitious person. However, I am a huge fan of Garfield and his disdain for Mondays, especially Monday the 13th.

Anyhoo, I was short 2 technicians and a tester in my area at work, so I had to wear more hats than usual, but it was ok, and the day went by fast.

I had a date with my wife at our local IHOP and we enjoyed the time sans children, cats, and dogs.

So, despite it being Monday the 13th and a full moon, today was not too bad.

Of course, tomorrow IS Tuesday the 14th....

Sunday

2008-10-05T15:48:00.003-04:00

I am off today. I slept late. It is quiet right now. Soon wife and step-kids will return and the all-too-usual chaos will resume. To quote Forrest Gump, "That's all I have to say about that."

I noticed that I am not the only blogger in my circle who seems to have little to say lately. What is there to post about besides the upcoming "election," high gas prices, economic collapse and government bailout (who will bail the gov't out I ask?), work, and football? For me, not much.

I struggle to find faith in all of this. I am trying to find my spiritual footing once again. I'm looking for a place to stand.

I am struggling with the inevitability of aging. One of my co-workers passed away last week. He was only 58. That is not very old. I am a lot closer to 58 than I used to be. I thought kickboxing would be good for me, but lately my left shoulder is killing me. I haven't wrestled since May. I'm not sure if I can anymore. I am getting more gray hair and I am tired all the time. I have been working out since June, and I have lost 10 lbs, but no more. It seems to be harder to lose weight than it used to be.

I am still young. I am relatively healthy. I have more of my hair than I should. My kids still want me around. There is still much to be thankful for in an age of uncertainty and possibility.

So much typing. I think I need a nap.

In case anyone was wondering

2008-09-26T17:07:00.004-04:00

I have been working for 12 straight days to satisfy a huge End of Quarter push. We came out on top, and I have the next 2 days off.

The other day I spoke less than favorably about Facebook. Since that post, I have uncovered 3 more friends from my school days. Maybe I just need to ease up on FB.

School has been good. I really need to kick it into high gear in Algebra. My IT class is really cool. I am going to start programming stuff next week. Totally cool. I am such a geek, but proud of it.

The other day I saw a stupid church sign that made me laugh out loud. In Pelion, SC, there is a church sign which reads:

Do you know where you will go

When you die?

You will die.

Are you kidding me? That is why people like me are sick of church. The old Baptist-me would have applauded them for being so frank. The more relaxed me thinks they are a bunch of kooks.

Hoping to catch up on some football and some rest this weekend, with lots of time with my posse.

Starting right now.

Whatta Weekend!

2008-09-14T21:24:00.008-04:00

This weekend of no work was spent with family, food, and football. We celebrated Papa's birthday (9/11--what a bummer) with dinner at Ryan's. The grandkids adore their Papa. I kinda like him, too. He is one of the kindest people I know.

Although this photo was taken 20 pounds ago, the fact I am wearing my Badger t-shirt underscores my excitement for their victory over Fresno State. The Gamecocks lost. Again.

I have over 300 channels, yet could not find a Sunday broadcast of the Packers v. Detroit game. Yet I have watched the post-game coverage with great excitement over Aaron Rodgers and the Pack triumphing over the Lions 45-28. Seeing as Favre and the Jets lost, I hope we can squelch the Favre/Rodgers comparisons once and for all. In the immortal words of Packer Coach Mike McCarthy (regarding Favre), "That train has left the station."

Furthermore, we ALMOST went to church this morning. Forgot to set the alarm, but we had full intent on going and trying to find a new place to worship. I think I am ready to ease back in. No rush, and no mentioning of my being a former minister. I do not want to fall back into that sterotype. Not yet. Perhaps someday. Maybe when USC has a perfect season. (sob)

On the less positive side, I can no longer wear shorts to work, my son is almost taller than me, my girls are growing up way too fast, a buddy is dating a stripper, Norm hasn't blogged in awhile, and I have an Algebra test tomorrow evening. Procrastination is alive and well.

Lastly but not leastly, I have completed all 9 seasons of The X-Files. Now I am ready to see the movie. But wait! It's no longer in theaters. The conspiracy will have to continue on DVD.

Alas, I need a beer...and a shower.

I'm Just Sayin'...

2008-09-12T18:56:00.004-04:00

Aaron Rodgers impressed the heck outta me this past Monday night.
I should have become a gas station owner. The money is a lot better.
Norm and Dan are better friends than I even realized. Thank you, gentlemen.
I find Facebook annoying. Though I have caught up with a couple of people I haven't seen or heard from since High School, Facebook makes me grumpy.
Where's a good Bruce Lee flick when you need one?
Slaw dog for lunch today was a very bad idea for painfully obvious gastro-intestinal reasons. Go ahead, pull my finger.
Google Chrome has not impressed me. Maybe I just need more time.
"Google Chrome" sounds like the name of a high-tech dance club. "Hey, let's go hang out at Google Chrome!"

I'm just sayin'...

Happy Birthday Mom

2008-09-05T22:30:00.005-04:00

Dear Mom:

I know you don't always understand me and the choices I make. Maybe sometimes you don't understand me at all. Most of the time, neither do I.

The truth is, I am more like you than I ever thought I would be. You did your best raising us on so little. We never went without and we didn't ever appreciate the sacrifices you made. Now that I am a Dad, I understand it a lot more.

One thing I know for sure, whether I am playing football, in the band, graduating college, wrestling, preaching, or just being a Dad to your grandkids, I have had no bigger fan on this earth than you.

Thanks for everything, Mom. Happy birthday, and I love you.

Where Have I Been?

2008-09-05T21:35:00.003-04:00

For the last couple of weeks, I have been rather immersed in work and school. I have begun pursuing an Associates Degree from Midlands Tech in Computer Technology, with hopes of furthering my career at Flextronics. What is humbling about going to school (other than being the oldest person in my classes) is that my 8th grade daughters are doing the same math as I am. I offered my math whiz son a bribe to do my homework for me.

No go. Good lad. Poor Dad.

Add to that the opening of football season (Go Badgers, Go Pack), the DNC, the RNC, Rick's charming Twit commentaries, kids' birthdays, kickboxing, and trying to stay on target in the gym, I have been rather busy. Not even time for wrestling, which is probably a good thing for my brittle (but shrinking) bod.

And, so, for the first time in months, I have Saturday AND Sunday off. I am going to nap frequently, catch up on homework, work on my van, and nap in between football games.

After a nice dinner at Shealy's tonight, however, I am ready to crash. I have missed my blog, and have many more thoughts perculating in my head, which I will post later. At the top of the list is my anticipation in catching Aaron Rodgers leading the Packers on Monday night. I will be in class during kickoff, but thank goodness for my DVR!

A Four-Letter Word

2008-08-23T16:17:00.002-04:00

W-O-R-K.

I have been spending much time on the job lately, with very little time for a 3 letter word, "F-U-N." My recent promotion to Lead Technician has brought with it many new challenges and opportunities to grow professionally and personally, as well as some more gray hairs. It's all good, and I am enjoying what I do.

The children are all back in school and summer vacation is officially over. For THEM, that is. Dad did not get a vacation.

I'm not sure why, but I have been listening to Manilow in the vehicle a lot lately. His music has laid the soundtrack for much of my life journey. Keeps me mellow I suppose. Would still love to catch him in Vegas. Jay, let's do it.

I finally have a day off and I am grateful for that. I will try and catch up on some some sleep. I will start now, with a nap.

Again, I Say, "What the...?"

2008-08-08T17:34:00.003-04:00

Click photo. To a hardcore Packer like myself, this is treason of a high and aggravated nature.

Excuse me. I need a moment.

What the...?

2008-08-03T21:46:00.001-04:00

Click the photo. Prepare for a mind-job.

A Week, A Job, A Perspective Shift

2008-08-02T20:06:00.004-04:00

I am not complaining. I truly enjoy my work. More than I have enjoyed a job in a long time. My problem is, "Where have I been for the last 20 years?"

My friends have always spoken of deadlines, meetings, Friday crunches, pressure, politics, and long hours. At 40, I am just now getting it.

I was in the ministry for the last 20 years. There were meetings, sure. Pressure? Maybe. But the life I led there is completely different from the life I lead now in terms of work. I never saw the ministry as work. I got paid to teach, preach, mingle, counsel, and eat...a lot. It was fun, and I got paid.

Now I work for a living. I think I prefer it this way. The money is better and the people are much nicer...well at least more tolerable.

My Daughters Are Insured By Smith & Wesson

2008-07-19T22:36:00.002-04:00

These are my daughters. Take a good look. This is as close as you will get to them without going through me.

If you want to date them, you are welcome to be interviewed by me and undergo my 12-step background check.

If you hurt them, you will not be safe anywhere.

They are the bomb, though. They always make me smile.

Posting a Posted Question and a Post

2008-07-17T18:37:00.005-04:00

The other day I blogged that I would give anything to redo the last 25 years of my life. The thought itself almost gives rise to a country song. It was really just a thoughtless comment I threw out during one of my over-thinking sessions. Nevertheless, a fellow blogger posted a question:

Paula Faye said...
What would you do with those 25 years? Just interested.

A fair question, and it actually got me to thinking. In no particular order, here is the short list of but a few things I would love the chance to redo.

If I could, I would relive over and over the births of my children.
I wouldn't have married so quickly.
I would have made more of an effort with my Dad while he was still living,
I would have spent more time with my grandparents. Gosh I miss them.
I'd have gotten closer to my step-dad sooner. What a great man he is.
I'd have taken better care of my teeth as a teenager.
I would have dated more.
I would have taken a chance and roomed with Jay and Homer. Could've been a blast!
I would never have smashed my KISS albums after that IBYC thing. That is really the ONLY thing I'd do differently about that whole event. Of course we didn't have the prospect of one day selling them on e-bay back then.
The 1978 Honda Civic. What the hell was I thinking?
Sylvia, Michelle, and Candy. What the hell was I thinking?
I'd have treated certain people better, and been more faithful as a certain best friend's assistant Sunday School teacher.
I should have tried harder at USC. I was so screwed up.
I wish I had read books then as I do now. I guess it's never too late.
I would have fought to stay in Mrs. Rawl's AP-English class.
I would have kicked Robbie B. and Joel T.'s asses when I had the chance. I'm proud of myself for taking the high road, but oh for just one good punch.
I'd have started the pro-wrestling at a much younger age.
I would have asked a certain girl out instead of being a coward (oh, like YOU didn't do that too!). I sometimes wonder how my life would be today if I had.
I would have gone to see Johnny Cash at the Living Vine book signing.
I'd have taken more chances. Not deadly ones, but social ones. Asking chicks to dance, etc. Did I just say "chicks?"
Speaking of which, I would have slow danced with Donna Stephens instead of just the fast dancing. Say it with me people: "coward." If you knew Donna Stephens, you would concur.
I would have been more stern in Deacon's meetings. Some of those guys were just asking for it. Once again, Todd takes the high road. Yay me.
That girl at the Pizza Factory. What the hell was I thinking?
I wouldn't have cussed Ray out on his voicemail; I'd have done it to his face.
I wouldn't allow so much repressed anger into my soul (chuckles).
I'd have spent more time with James and Chuck when we all lived at The Park.
I would have stayed in touch more with George while he was at college.
I would have stopped Alan liked he had asked me to. But then, we wouldn't have had as much to laugh about in the Pinto that night.
I'd have kept the 240-Z and taken better care of it.
I'd have done all of the above right the first time so you wouldn't have to read this.

Rest assured I really don't dwell on these things anymore. It was kinda neat to think through them for a bit. Ultimately, I believe that things happen as they are meant to, and it is wasted energy dwelling on past mistakes. My life has made me who I am today, and I'm good to go with that. I have many stories for my kids and grandkids (someday), and friendships that are closer than family. I have no complaints. These are my memories. I'll keep them.

Anyone else want to play? Could be interesting blog fodder through the weekend. My imaginary shrink thinks it may be a healthy release.

Matrixx has celebrity fans

2008-07-15T21:34:00.004-04:00

I had the chance to schmooze with Scooby and the Gang last month. Daphne couldn't keep her hands off me, and Fred tried to start a fight with me because I laughed at his ascot. After a romantic candlelight dinner, Daph and I joined the rest of the gang and solved the mystery of the bloody ascot...Matrixx style!

Todd Matrixx Makes the Cover!

2008-07-15T21:30:00.002-04:00