Friday, July 02, 2010

There Is No Spoon

You may remember that line from The Matrix. These words are also carved into the wall above the urinal at the "satellite office." I do not know why. It is an eye-opening moment for Neo when the young lad teaches him a lesson in reality. In order for Neo to be able to bend the spoon with his mind, he had to first accept the reality that there is no spoon.

I had an eye-opening moment yesterday. For years I have been living in  disappointment because I had this image of what life and family should be like, and, twice now, that image has failed to be lived up to. I have always looked for the magic in life. For example, I have wondered if I have ever been "in love" before. In my mind, there was no "magic" in my relationships. There was love, but it had to be worked at; it didn't just happen magically.

Growing up in a broken family, I used to daydream about having a "normal" family like all of my friends had. A father AND a mother. Not just mother, like I had. My parents fought all the time. There was no magic. After my father abandoned us, I used to daydream about him coming home and resuming his place as man of the house. At 10 years old, I was the "man of the house." Mom supported 3 of us on less than five bucks an hour. Money was always tight. Where was the magic?

I surrendered to the ministry and did youth ministry, prison ministry, music ministry, preaching, teaching, and missions. I had the minister's dream. I had a wife, children, a house, and a great church. After 13 years, my marriage to the mother of my three children ended. How could this be? God would NEVER let this happen! I once vowed that my children would never have to live as I did, and now I was faced with the reality that their home was about to be broken. Surely not! I prayed. I fasted. I begged and pleaded with God to save my marriage. I knew He could, and I believed He would. He didn't. Where was the magic?

I remarried a few years ago to a great woman. We combined our children into a blended family. I had high hopes that we would all mesh and be happy. Instead, there were problems. Money problems. Child problems. Ex-spouse problems. Pet problems. In-law problems. It seemed that every time we took 2 steps forward, we'd get knocked back 5 more. Where was the magic?

I have been looking at my life lately. I often compare myself to others and realize how I fail to match up to their successes. I feel like a misfit sometimes, and that I don't really fit in anywhere. I am 21 years old for the second time, and where is the magic?

Reality check.

There is no magic.

Magic only happens in the movies or sitcoms. Life is hard. Real life. There is no magic; we are just to do the best we can with what we have. This realization actually caused a huge weight to lift from my shoulders. My life doesn't have to be perfect, or even magical. I just have to do the best I can to love the people I love and work hard at my passions. The magic may or may not ever be there, but the joy of just living life seems to bring with it a "magic" all its own.

Besides, who really needs to bend a spoon with their mind anyway?
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