Today I am just asking the question. I am certain that I will never have all the answers, but I just have a lot on my mind today in light of the unfolding Chris Benoit tragedy. I have been rather quiet in the blogosphere this month, and I guess I just need to download a bit.
I understand that we live in a fallen world and that evil happens. We live in a world where an icon of professional wrestling for 22 years can murder his wife and son, and then hang himself. I didn't know Chris Benoit personally, but he was what I would consider to be one of the very few pure wrestlers left. I would always feel tired after watching Benoit wrestle. He was great. What happened to him to drive him over the edge? I may never know. But it hurts and I feel like I have lost a friend and in the process, realized he was not who I thought he was.
I understand that we live in a world where the atrocities of places like Darfur can happen. I don't have an answer for those people or their politics, but I weep for them.
I understand the we are fighting a war that we don't understand anymore. The politicians rage, and our soldiers sacrifice all...willingly and bravely. All the while the Rosie O'Donnells of the world get to be on the news.
I understand we live in a world where men, women, boys & girls shamelessly bear it all on places like MySpace looking to hook up with that "special someone."
But why? Why can't I fix it? Why do I pray while my Father seems silent at times? For years I have endeavored to share the gospel in various ways and in all kinds of places. I have had automatic weapons pointed at me while doing missionary work. I have nearly had my face bitten off by a wild dog while sharing the gospel on someones doorstep. I have had my arm shattered while trying to share Christ through the medium of professional wrestling.
Like Agent Smith in the Matrix Revolutions I ask myself, "Why? Why do I persist?" I answer as Neo did: "Because I choose to."
Maybe I am overwhelmed by the world today because I have been hiding in a spiritual cave for awhile. I have been apathetic and indifferent. I have allowed my own problems to take priority over the rest of the world. I have been sitting on the bench while the Coach beckons me back in to the game.
I find myself very grateful that I do indeed care, and that what breaks the Lord's heart still breaks mine, too. I will do all that I can until He comes back. It is what I set out to do a long time ago.
Like the Apostle Paul, I press on. Why? Because it is all I know to do. And it is worth it.