Monday, June 21, 2004

The Unsent Letter/Post Father's Day

I enjoyed my day pretty well. I miss my dad. He has been gone for 12 years now. His death was very untimely, and very freaky. He was in his home, asleep in his chair, and a drunk driver crashed through his home killing both men. Apparently, Dad never knew what hit him. Living with the untimeliness is one thing; there is another issue that Father's Day gives rise to: unresolved issues with Dad.

You see, we had no relationship. He bailed on us when I was 10, and we didn't see him for a long time. When he entered our lives again, it was hard to build a relationship because he was always moving. He lived 1000 miles away when he died. Just prior to his death, my sisters and I spent some real quality time with him. It was so much fun. We laughed and had a great time. When we parted ways again, we all agreed that we needed more times like this. For the first time in many years, I was his son again. I wrote him a long letter telling him about me. I told him of my conversion to Christ and calling into the ministry. I talked about my wife and how we were trying to have a baby. I poured my heart out about all the time we had lost and how much I wanted us to be close. I sealed the letter and placed it in a drawer to mail it later.

One month later, February 14, 1992, he was dead. After the funeral, I returned home from Wisconsin (where he lived) and tried to resume my life. At work that next day, I was going through some stuff and found the letter I had written him after our last visit. I had forgot to send it. Now he would never read it.

I have three beautiful children. I am a Daddy. They go all out for Father's Day every year. It is priceless. But, oh, what I wouldn't give just to be able to call my Dad and wish him a Happy Father's Day.
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